kim | 29 November, 2004 19:47
You know what's not pretty? An undercooked turkey that gets hijacked and re-cooked for 3 hours by comittee. Just saying. Not blaming.
kim | 22 November, 2004 21:56
Miss Oprah Winfrey, you must tell me what you do to your audience members! They are so?beautiful and always perfectly turned out.?Their hair color is always glistening and bright. Their hairstyles all perfectly placed. Even if it's a rare bad hairdo, it's polished. Then there is the makeup: never a big, black swipe of liner on the inner lid and nothing else. Never blue eyeshadow. Always concealer. No mater the physical challenge, the women who come to worship you everyday look beautiful. Is it the lighting? Maybe just 1%. Is it the digitizing? Maybe 1%. Maybe it's just the love you eminate, Oprah. I love you, too, but I do it from New York, so I don't think the Oprahwaves?reach through the tv. I think I would have to be on your set. One day...
kim | 20 November, 2004 08:11
I have a friend, I won't drop any names here but let's just say she's a bit of a rock star, who is all about the re-launch. Every time your life takes a new turn or every time you want it to, you re-launch. New hairdo, different makeup, new style clothing but most of all a re-comittment to yourself and your goals.
I'm also all about the re-launch, obviously, because I'm a makeup artist, but my?personal re-launch?is often more subtle and internal. Perhaps the chief reason being I can't always afford a full material one. However, this week something beautiful happened. After all these years of internal re-ordering, I finally realized what is one of my biggest blocks: indecision. When I realized what has been the cause of so much heartache and lost time in my life, it fell away like fall leaves. I ordered lunch quickly and with authority. I threw away scrappy pieces of paper. I bought that special pen for myself as a gift for being such a great mother, wife and worker.
Now my next project is the last 20 lbs. my son insisted I gain while he was inside of me. "More cheeseburger deluxes, Mommy! And make it snappy!" There are very few pints of ice cream allowed?during a re-launch.
Friends and Tofu
kim | 16 November, 2004 21:11
Today I decided that it might be a really great idea to write my hurculean to-do list in a peaceful macrobiotic environment so that all that tofu might absorb some of my anxiety. You know it takes on any flavor near it. So there I was, sitting down and who do I see but this other makeup artist who I knew about 3 years ago. Now she's someone who?can make skin look so amazing that you can't believe it. She's a natural. I love her work and she's so pretty and cool and has the most beautiful daughter and is naturally skinny. You know.
So I sat down with her and she's so cute and sweet and pleasant and grown up and innocent all at the same time. We have the sweetest conversation about motherhood, makeup, and just fill in the gap of the last three years.
And when it's time to go, and it is always time to go, I realized that the Universe had arranged a lunch date for me and didn't tell me until the last minute.
I'm so glad Wendy did my hair and I had a little makeup on. You know.
World Problems, Finally Solved!
kim | 15 November, 2004 19:13
Today, I made another woman's dreams come true. Ten minutes after I reported for work, the other makeup artist who I really like and who really likes me, yelled at me about my roots being gray. She is groomed within an inch of her life, which is not my style, but I still like to look good.
In a former, pre-kid life, I loved to provoke people with my shoddy appearance because it was like a shallow-people-ometer. But then, one day, I realized it just makes me look shoddy. So I stopped. But I really haven't had time and my hairdresser, who often goes underground, has gone underground and I was just waiting for her to re-surface.
So there I was, getting my roots graciously done by the hair person and the makeup person says, HALLELUYAH! And in walks the Middle East Chief Correspondent?for that channel and they begin talking. I politely interrupt and ask if I can ask a few questions.
Do you think the region will change now after Arafat's death? No, he replies. Is there a chance for peace? No, not really. Never, he replies. But I'm getting my roots dyed light brown. The earth will not spin off it's axis. I was sure that the Middle East Conflict would be resolved now that I'm not showing any gray.
How often do you get to use the the Middle East Correspondant to make a joke to another makeup artist? Now that's high production value. It was a good day.
'Cause I'm a Woman, W.O.M.A.N.
kim | 13 November, 2004 18:40
I can bring home the turkey bacon, fry it up in a pan, clean the pan, mop the floor, straighten up the house, wash all the kid's bottles, write up notes from the business meeting, work on my novel, dye my roots...and never let you forget you're a man. 'Cause I'm totally burned out...
Oh, Happy Day
kim | 12 November, 2004 19:09
Today is a good day for women. I met the esteemed former prosecuter Linda Fairstein and she informed me that the almost 500,000 rape kits sitting on the shelves of police stations across the nation?which were not being tested for?DNA because there was "no funding," are finally being taken off the shelves and tested. In fact, in New York State, most of them are off the shelves.
So many lives will be spared. Now that's really pretty.
Let's Talk About Sex Baby
kim | 10 November, 2004 08:43
Do you think the reason why men talk so much about sex in the workplace is because it's such a sterile environment, they want to bring some humanity to the gray-cubicleness that is their lives? Or is it their shame? Or is it because they want me to punch them in the teeth?
The jury's still out.
kim | 09 November, 2004 18:52
Dude,? I'm so tired.
My Inner 400 lb. Man
kim | 08 November, 2004 19:44
It's not my intention to detail my incredible to do list, only to say that I was out with the kid today, trying to tick off tasks, looking in vain for an office supply store in my neighborhood which is nearly impossible to find. Word to Staples or Office Max: it's called a home office. They exist in great number in residential neighborhoods, so get your?tush over here.
There was a little dinky office supply store that I thought might have a few things, but not all of them and so I walked toward the entrance. Just as I got to the door, a 400 lb. man came from around the counter and lugged his heavy, heavy, heavy?body across the small store. Like he was carrying a dead person on him. I must have been visibly shaken because he beckoned to me to come in, to which I replied with a warm smile and a quick dash out of his line of sight.
I felt terrible because I wanted to say, it's not because you are 400 lbs! Which would have been a lie! I didn't want it to be and I wanted to accept that man for who he is: God's glorious creation. But I think I was disarmed because self destruction is hard to look at . Plus, it was hard for him to walk. Shall I send him a pamphlet from Overeathers Anonymous? This man will surely die soon if he does not get help.
We all have a 400 lb. man inside of us, sneaking doughnuts, not exercizing, missing paying our bills, having the wrong relationships, whatever. I just hope I can behave in a more compassionate way toward myself and others than I did today. Guy, I'm sorry for contributing to your sense of alienation in the world. That probably sends you to Krispy Kreme on a daily basis.
I so feel your pain.
Run Humanity Run!
kim | 07 November, 2004 20:20
I hate the NYC Marathon. Last year when I was 8 months pregnant and carrying a big, heavy makeup bag, they would not let me cross the street and I spent about $30 on a cab trying to get home.
But then today?there were thousands of people running and a kajillion people cheering them on. These runners, who owe me $30, were being cheered on by the population of NYC and all their relatives who flew in to watch them.? Hooting revelers lined the streets and encouraged runners?with loud?waves of love up and down the avenue. My heart was warmed and I forgave them their debt. I was blown away that people were so supportive of their friends, their loved ones and, by extension, total strangers. Maybe we're not totally screwed after all.
Then me and Mike and the kid went outside and took a stroll. The bars were packed like Japanese subways with the hooting revelers. Most of the runners were done by the time we got out but there were a few stragglers. Like Leroy, the guy on crutches flanked by two people with signs saying, "Go Leroy!" Which made the hooting revelers do so more. As we passed a bar not fiiled with fond memories for me, I could see that they were beginning to be, or already were, perhaps quite drunk. So maybe it wasn't love of humanity, but more love of beer that sent people out in droves.?
But I think, just for tonight, I will believe in the human spirit instead.
kim | 05 November, 2004 04:48
Do you want the sponges wet or not wet? Medium wet? It changes every day.
I do not want to party with you. I want to do your makeup. I am not a prostitute at the Bunny Ranch.
kim | 04 November, 2004 08:46
I graduated from college.? It took me a few more years than most but I did it with honors as well as a little thing called magna cum laude.
Today I did someone's makeup who doesn't like it when makeup artists don't follow the pecking order of the studio. Where freebies are concerned, the complainant believes it's talent, producers and then crew. If you want some freebies first, then go back to college, he suggested, and become a producer! You know what I mean?
Those stupid makeup artists! I wish they would stay in their places.
Next: collected comments made to me about "Zionists" with a completely straight face
kim | 04 November, 2004 07:59
Some ways we currently enjoy our legal freedoms: posting nude pictures of ourselves on the internet, use birth control when having sex, walking around late at night and enjoy pinpoints of security.
We are sleepwalking. The Equal Rights Amendment still has not been passed, rape kits sit on shelves wasting away while criminals walk the streets and are free to commit crimes and the Right to Choose is in more jeapordy than ever before. For starters. Elizabeth Cady Stanton fought for the right to vote and died without ever being able to.
If we want to secure our rights and demand greater ones, we have to get off our asses. Local government is a great way to start.
kim | 03 November, 2004 10:24
Now that George Bush seems to have been re-elected, if you thought our rights are being thinned out, just wait for the next four years!
I am predicting that the government will be issuing?new fashions within a year.?Anna Wintour is going?to have a?field day -? "Burkas: the New Poncho!"
Really, girls,?let's get off our asses.?
*Thanks, Todd Bonim!
kim | 02 November, 2004 19:03
Doesn't a Japanese company own Rockerfeller Plaza? Just saying.
The P The I The D...
kim | 02 November, 2004 09:45
Puffy, PDiddy, Sean Combs was interviewed today at the place where I'm freelancing. Not knowing whether he needed makeup I ran (literally) down to the makeup room from the other makeup room to come to his aid.
Alas, he did not need me as there were several people in his employ in the tiny room which was flanked by his security. It was hard to count how many people were in the room. I did not want to linger and get a count.
He asked me questions only a producer could answer - I'm often mistaken for a producer - and I told him I was the makeup artist, I just wanted to see if he needed help but it seemed that he didn't, so I would get him a producer. One of his minions asked me if I would feel more comfortable taking my bag with me out of the room, as there were so many of them. I looked at Puff or Didd or Sean and told him that I'm sure there was nothing I had that he needed unless he needed my Palm Pilot and $20. He said he would take the $20 and I offered him a paltry $17 from my jean jacket pocket. We both laughed, more like a smile with an exhale of air and then I scooted right out of there.
I made a joke with Puffy. hee hee.
kim | 01 November, 2004 19:39
A pre-l'il kim video I saw on late night something some time in the early '80's once, when my memory was functioning:
We like the cars, the cars that go boom
I'm Tigre, I'm Bunny and we like the boom
Please get it out of my head. I failed algebra four times and finally passed with a 66. Why?
If Bush Wins
kim | 01 November, 2004 16:30
I think I will send him a letter every week that looks something like this:
I understand, respect and agree with your deep regard for life. And although I am grateful that I have never had to make the harrowing decision whether to abort an unwanted pregnancy, I request that you cease trying to overturn the Supreme Court decision that enables a woman to do so. If the life of a fetus is so sacred, the life of the woman carrying it must be more sacred, because she has created and is able to sustain that life. Yet in our society, women are not only not revered, they are not even equal to men. If you are completely intent on revoking Choice, I would submit that it's only fair to level the playing field by?restoring or imparting these rights to women:
Higher pay for single mothers and mothers in general.
Prolonging maternity leave under the Family Leave and Medical Act with a higher pay scale.
Offering pay to women who stop working and raise families or care for the elderly or sick their own or the families of others for free.
Offer free daycare.
Give equal pay for equal work. Already.
Ridding the shelves of police stations throughout the nation of the hundreds of thousands of rape kits that don't ever go to DNA testing labs due to "lack of funding."
Either through example or through laws, create a society where women don't feel afraid to walk around at night or in their homes. Offer federally funded self defense classes.
Mandate classes for men and boys that teach respect, responsibility and reciprocity.
Actually don't leave any child behind.
If that sounds like a tall order, then why don't you work on that first. When we actually have a right to choose in our society instead of being shoehorned into exhaustion and poverty and fear, then maybe we will make different choices. In the meantime, trying to take our right to choose is proof that our society does not belive in our sacredness.
Whoops! Don't Tell!
kim | 01 November, 2004 09:44
No matter how much a man sweats, if I just powdered him, there is no way that a man can shine on one miniscule dot in the middle of his forehead. That's a sparkle, from my eye shadow, that transfered on to him in that mysterious way that sparkles get everywhere. My sparkle was on national tv this morning. My sparkle is famous!
All That Sparkles Keeps Me Broke
kim | 01 November, 2004 09:13
When I walk into a drug store, it's impossible for me not to survey all the pink lipglosses. My diaphragm tightens?and I have to stay my hand not to pick them all up and purchase them. It seems such an innocuous habit, but a few years ago my husband pointed out how much money I was wasting.
"How many sparkly pink?lipglosses do you need," he asked.
Any woman knows the answer is, "all of them. Including the ones that haven't come out yet."
But if you add all of them up, the total could go to more lasting things like a contribution to my retirement account, a gorgeous pair of shoes or an investment in my business. It's actually better for me in the long run. I'm not a?panting dog -?I can resist the pull of a small pink tube. I will keep telling myself that.