Pizza Can Be Evil
kim | 30 December, 2004 00:37
Tonight, on our vacation, I agreed to go to out for pizza with my husband and my child so that my husband could see an old friend he used to be a camp counselor with. At a Y camp. Isn't that cute that he was a counselor? I just love him.
So I agreed, of course, heartily, not knowing what laid waiting for me.
First of all, prior to dinner, I was only given 45 minutes for my annual Target shopping trip, which was completely unfair although I did score the last Sonia Kashuk limited edition travel brush set (the best bargain in brushes in the whole world because they are such amazing quality). Although I?bought $256 worth of merchandise, I did put half the stuff I pulled off the shelves back? -?there would have been so much more if I wasn't being frugal and if I hadn't been given such little time. It's only once a year, though. They have such amazing stuff. But I digress...
Being from New York I thought the pizza joint was going to be a pizza joint. I don't have to tell you if you're from New York what a pizza joint is like but if you're not, I'll just say that they're fairly subdued, dark, peaceful. A little yelling behind the counter, but it's just banter.
Not this place. It was part pizza parlor, part airplane hangar cafeteria, part penny arcade, part insane asylum. They made their frozen tv-dinner tasting pizza right after you ordered it but it took like a half hour for them to call your number. Frozen pizza takes about 12 minutes, if memory serves me correctly. There were long tables, like three or four times the size of regular cafeteria tables and randomly there were balloons set up on some tables and I realized that this is a big birthday party joint and two are happening this evening which brought the din up to a loud, cackling?roar.?Of?nine year old girls.?To make matters more overstimulating, in the back are all the crazy video games screaming with their lights and their maniacal digital beeping, chortling and hooting, "play me! NO me! NO, MEEEEEEEE!!!" And then every once in a while, the sweaty manager would call out your number to tell you that your terrible pizza was ready and me and the kid would automatically start and grab each other tighter because it was so loud. Sort of like that Alfred Molina scene in "Boogie Nights" with the little Asian boy throwing snaps on the floor.
Not to mention the people in there who looked mostly like if they weren't suffering from a genetic disorder then they were very close to a drug or alcohol bottom. Glassy eyed,?angry and staring at my Jewy ass.
I've been trying to figure out a place to throw the kid his first birthday party. All my friends are going whole hog with theirs but I was very against that until tonight. I think I'll give him something small but elegant. I won't just throw a bunch of pizzas at him.
To cope, I ate 4 slices with pepperoni. I am disgusting.
Santa Claus is Coming to Town
kim | 24 December, 2004 12:51
Before my non-Jewish husband and I married, we agreed to raise a Jewish family and have a solely Jewish household. I always dated non-Jews and I never thought it would be a problem. In adulthood, however, I sort of returned to the faith (not that I had ever strayed - we were not very religious) and became bat mitzvah at 31. Then it became an issue. I think when Jews start families, no matter how secular, it becomes an issue. There are only 8 million of us and we are genetically predisposed to fear our extinction, so intermarrying becomes a big?issue.
My family doesn't really give a shit about religion and I loved Mike and he agreed to do the Jew thing and everything was fine. But then we had the kid and we visit his family every year for Christmas?and they are not Jewish.
It's driving me up a wall! They got him a stocking (with a Jewish kid's name on it? Whatever.), they're trying to teach him about Santa Claus and they want to seduce him with their pretty and tinkly Christmas tree! And I won't even get into the carroling. I keep getting really still like I do when he does something that I don't want to reinforce with either praise or rancor, like when he jabs me in the eye and laughs. If I don't respond, then there's no reason to do it again. Children need a reaction from their environment. But that's not going to work with a huge family. If I'm quiet nobody will notice and if I'm still, I'm certain the kid will ingest an ornament.
So I guess I will just accept the fact that they love him and they want to lavish him with love and gifts in the way they know and it's much better than being given a blue and white Jewish dunce cap. If he were singled out how would he feel then? Plus, they're my family, too and I love them.
I wonder what they got me?
All That Is Pink Glitter Is Not Gold
kim | 18 December, 2004 07:56
Yesterday was the last day of my freelance job and I was dragging my butt around my house trying to get out by 4:45 am. I had no energy left for glamour and I actually felt like I might ruin my career by deciding to call in sick. My back still hurts this morning from simply being up too long for too long.
So I threw on beige khakis, a black shirt and a jean jacket but dashed two pots of sparkles (one pink, one multi-colored holographic) in my makeup bag right before I left. When I got in, I commenced applying sparkles the way I do: three times the legal limit allowed, especially at 5:00 am. Not because I?m looking for a reaction, I just way I like to wear sparkles that way.
Wow, the reaction of my colleagues and co-workers! True, I was working in a very conservative environment and I was a study in opposites, shlubby clothes and disco eyes, but I so didn?t hear the end of it all morning. I got a little paranoid about my choice until I realized while the comments sounded judgmental, those commenting were slightly admiring of my willingness to possess the abandon to behave like a rebellious 12 year-old in a conservative workplace. And then I realized I was behaving like a rebellious 12 year-old in the workplace, which I had done a pretty good job of not doing for 9 previous days. Luckily, the woman I was filling in for is a complete crack pot, so what are a few pink sparkles to a complete sea of insanity perhaps they rationalized. But I learned that I have to watch myself carefully when I?m too tired and stick to the script in the play I am currently in. It just makes it nicer for everyone. And then I might get asked back.
A Thimble Filled with Couth
kim | 16 December, 2004 13:19
Me, to the cab driver: Your cab is so clean!
Cab Driver (in a loud, quick monotone): Thank you, Miss!
Me: Not smelly at all!
Cab Driver (in a loud, quick?monotone): Thank you, Miss!
I really did mean it as a compliment, but it so came out the wrong way.
kim | 12 December, 2004 19:52
I have taken myself a new lover. I am obsessed all the time. I want to do it every minute of every day. I?am nervous, I am giddy.?I dream about it:?my camera.?
I don't have the absolute best camera in the whole wide world, but it's good enough. The Nikon Coolpix 5400. Noah recommended it?for me, so what ever?he said, I did. I'm not sure if we're talking?anymore since he has not returned of my 3 emails. But that's a different blog entry.
The camera is sort of flat in a way, it seems to have trouble with deep focus so that it blurs everything around it, like a fancy camera. Mostly because it's digital. And don't breathe while you're taking a picture or do anything else or else you will lose your focus and it will fuzz. I haven't figured out all the settings yet, but I've taken hundreds of pictures and I'm starting to get the hang of it. It's really like a man. It doesn't do what you want it to at first, but if you take a while to break each other in, then you might be really happy. It has a video feature and I've taken really fun short movies of the kid. His first few steps have been duly documented.
I wanted the flog to be a visual companion to the blog and I could have had them written together but I wanted to be part of a larger community. Now I am completely humbled by joining fotolog.net along with thousands of amateur and kick ass photographers.? I am posting my photos for people to see, to judge and to criticize. Or ignore. Which is really what is happening. I don't know how long it takes for someone to notice you, but I'm being ignored and that's worse than being criticized. But it's only been two days and I really did it for you, my reader, and for me, because I love to take photos, apparently.
As soon as Adam, ahem, does the proper linking, you can click onto my page and take a look. I will be posting every day unless there is an illness or there's really not anything interesting to say visually. Or if I'm chawing on something.
Look for everything surrounding beauty, humor, the city and I'm trying to work it out to do my own makeup differently all the time but I haven't figured out how to make myself look good in my camera yet. And I will look like crap for you, as long as the lighting and the angles are right.
Oh, I forgot
kim | 10 December, 2004 11:29
Today, at the place where I am freelancing, I was talking to someone about the inauguration - which somehow got looped into a completely unrelated drama and I realized that we were?facing four more years of the military industrial complex and?it completely took me by surprise. Like waking up from a bad dream (which I actually did this morning) and realizing it was not only a dream (which it was this morning).
I am so busy but?I will not be complacent. That's how this whole thing happened in the first place. Checking out is not pretty.?
Bylaws For A Creative Life
kim | 08 December, 2004 19:09
1. Work with users, assholes and losers only if the work is good. If the work is not good and you're miserable, dump them. Especially if you're working for free.
2. Have fun. This is your life.
3. Keep working at it. You will have a million failures and one day it'll hit. Do you know what Jessica Simpson looked like 4 years ago??Like she had escaped from the beauty salon for the criminally insane. And now she looks like a million bucks and makes far more than that.
4. Get a peer group. Or a peer.
5. If someone is discouraging you, listen to what they are saying and then pull wide focus and take a look at their life. They don't know what they are talking about.
6. Don't take yourself so seriously.
7. Do take walks.
8. Stay in shape, because it's fun not because it's oppresive.
9. Watch movies, read books, do something else.
10. Start a website and write a blog. Get in line.
11. There's always b-school or law school*: big, fat buildings waiting?to gulp down?artists who lost their nerve and spit them out into the beige ether. Don't walk in.
*I love lawyers, don't get me wrong, I truly do - but some people were born to practice law and others to write short fiction and make films, and sometimes the latter get scared and give up. That's all I meant.
We Are Beautiful In Every Single Way, Kevin Bacon Ignoring Us Won't Bring Us Down
kim | 05 December, 2004 00:26
Kevin Bacon did not notice my new light dusty pink corduroy jeans that I got at Club Monaco. I could have worn my clown pants after all. He didn?t notice that I was not pregnant anymore and he didn?t even really remember me, if you want to know the truth.
But that?s not half as sad as the Emmy I saw sitting in the corner amongst shells camera cases and the peels of extra cables by the audio table. The d.p., the camera guy, carries it around with all of his equipment and stands it up in the middle of the production rubbish to, I guess, show that he?s amazing.
For a five minute interview that will air on the Today show, I don?t think you have to lug around your credentials like that.
Let that be a lesson to all of us.
kim | 02 December, 2004 13:24
Part of my relaunch strategy is to look good. I previously didn't care much, but I realized that if I had never read Anna Karenina before, if the cover?was tattered torn, I might not want to. I got my hair done (and it looks fabulous, please go see Kersti at Amour de Hair, she's awesome!) and, of course, I can do my own makeup. But my problem now is that I am in between clothes. Have I mentioned this before? My maternity clothes and my husband's clothes are too large but my old clothes are just too tight. I can squeeze into them but I sort of look like I've been doing a cross country survey of truck stop diners and fast food restaurants. You know, a little bulge-y. That's not a word. Anyway, the problem is that tomorrow I am working with the surprisingly more foxy in real life Kevin Bacon and I want to look hot. I mean, I'm married, he's married, we both have kids but I did his makeup when I was pregnant a couple of times (once during the blackout, so stinky and pregnant) and I will never bounce back as well as Kyra Sedgewick (we're at different starting points to begin with - I saw her in a restaurant once and she lit up the entire corner in which she was sitting) but still, I want to look good. You would, too.
So today I went out to do some errands and I decided to look good, but there's not that much and it's all black so I had to wear a pair of pants my friend Deb gave me when I got pregnant. Which I plan to give back if we?ever see each other again because our schedules are so wacky.?They are really nice pants, but don't sit around the waist anymore unless you're pregnant, so I spent my time outside lifting up my jacket and my sweater and wrapping the waistband around my underwear as if it were an impromptu belt. Very elegant. I really need to go get a pair of pants after kid gets up from his nap. I would not be able to withstand the humiliation of doing Kevin Bacon's makeup in clown pants.