Boot Camp Tomorrow
kim | 31 January, 2005 18:40
Now, I am not a lazy slug. I truly was planning on Boot Camp today. In fact, I had a dream last night in?which my old publisher told? me I was fat throughout the whole dream. It was like he was telling me how I couldn't function in society or something because I was so fat. I woke up really bummed out. I am so ready for boot camp!
But I was bummed out really because I was so tired. Sleep deprivation during the flu. Up every hour while sick. No rest. Then Mike went away for the weekend for his mother's 60th birthday which, nobody would argue,?was totally sweet. Now, since the baby has been sick, we just sit around watching television because what can he do except sit there while his nose runs, moaning? And he cries all the time. I just want to give him a little distraction, poor little thing. As he's felt better, I notice that he dances to whatever snippet of music there is on tv, so I've been trying to watch the music channels. Not like that would be MTV or VH1 between the hours of 8:00 am and 12:00 pm, although there are a few videos in there during TRL, I think. So we turn to another, like "2" channel - MTV2, VH12 or something - and John Mayer is singing to fathers to be good to their daughters. My father was, ah, not good to me, so I start crying. In front of the baby. Like red nose, snot, big huge tears racing down my face to get absorbed by my tshirt and I'm thinking, this is so uncool. Not in front of the kid!
So I wipe myself off, pretend to smile at the baby, turn something else on and then still weep here and there throughout the day.?By nightfall I spiral down into a full-fledged panic attack. I had the brilliant idea to look up the lyrics to which I almost gagged in pain and spent the next few hours trying to get in touch with the few people who know how to talk me down off the ledge. Kyra was the first to return my call and we decided it was lack of sleep. Because that song's been out there and I can even listen to George Michael's song Father Figure without crying in public now, so it's always there, but not to the point where I gag in pain.
That gagging, my friends was just lack of sleep which distorted my thinking beyond reason. The sociopathic mental status of my father notwithstanding, I function incredibly well on a daily basis and married a wonderful man and am raising an amazing son (I don't know how much I actually have to do with that, he seems to just sort of be that way), so when I'm really bummed out about that, there's something off-kilter.
So I slept today when the nanny was here and now I feel like the pain I was feeling last night was another girl's pain, although I totally get it and I have complete compassion for her, it's just not as heated for me as it is for her.
So tomorrow I will get the ass in shape. Today it was sleep boot camp.
Boycott and Destroy Online Poker
kim | 28 January, 2005 12:49
Death to Texas Hold 'em Poker who keeps blog spamming my site. I will notify the FCC or every news station I can. Is it a Federal offense? No, but if someone was peeing all over your house wouldn't you get mad, too?
I Have a Present For You...
kim | 28 January, 2005 10:10
Today, in the 8 degree weather and with about 1" of gray roots showing, I am off to photograph one of the finest and most influential makeup artists of our time. Formerly I assisted him once in a while and learned so much. Hopefully just seeing his spread across the makeup table will inspire me to be the best that I can be every day. Look out for the interview soon!
It's a surprise!
Coming Right Up!
kim | 26 January, 2005 20:10
Snot update: now Mike has the cold, too. Thank you AGAIN Germboree.
Today a girlfriend of mine called and asked me now that the kid is a year am I gearing up to have the next one and I said, oh sure! Things are great! Mike gets home at 4:00 every afternoon, we're about to buy a classic 7 on CPW, I've lost all the baby weight plus 10 lbs., the kid sleeps through the night and is totally self-sufficient and I've finished my novel and it's coming out tomorrow.
I think we'll be waiting a little, tiny bit longer.
Assuming The Position
kim | 25 January, 2005 13:34
I tried to sleep while the nanny was here, I really did. I've been up, hourly, every night since Thursday night and my body is now in complete defense mode. When I was a very new mother, I would cry at the slightest thing large or small and a woman I know reminded me that sleep deprivation is a torture technique in war interrogation rooms. Who knows if that is really true because she was a lying sack of shit who had a mouth entirely filled with caps I think because her own teeth rotted out because of the copious amounts of lying that came out of her rotten mouth hole. But I'm not bitter.
But you could imagine if I was bitter, because I am so tired. Not to mention I've been struggling with the same exact thing that the kid is struggling with. Yesterday the doctor diagnosed us basically with mucous. So I?basically am suffering from snot. Yesterday and the whole weekend me and the kid had snot with a fever, but now it's just snot. And how.
So I can't breathe, I can't sleep, he can't sleep, everybody's miserable. Happy trails!
Hooray For Us! Woo Hoo!
kim | 24 January, 2005 18:00
Today my friend Kyra unveiled her new website which is about her as a mom of a child who has Aspberger's. She us such a good writer and I am so tired and sick. So on the way down to the doctor, coughing like a tuberculitic - which is probably not a word - I called her almost crying about what a great writer she is and what an awful writer I am and I don't even know what my blog is about and boo hoo and my chest is on fire and the kid has crusty snots and the cab driver is on the phone (which is against the law) and we are on the FDR drive and I have a phobia of the FDR drive - it was like that.
So she says no, I don't suck, but we had been talking recently about what it was like to feel vulnerable when you put yourself out there and how we both have had times when we didn't even try because the judgemental voice was so intense. Woody Allen doesn't even see his own movies. And, frankly, after the Soon Yi Previn mess, that makes two of us. Now, I am not trying to compare myself to a incestuous adopted father nor am I calling myself a comic genius; but he is a great example of someone who gets up, writes for a few months, shoots his movies for a few months and then starts all over again. And he writes in bed. What a great job!? But he still hates himself (which, by now, we all know why) why, he's made a career of it. I, personally don't need the hot Asian chick, but that is just one of the many things that set me and Woody apart. But if he can hate himself and still keep going, so can I.
Plus, there have been so many dopes, morons and losers through my makeup chair and the only thing they had that I didn't have was a steely will against the mighty cookie?and the resolve to work out like a maniac. Man, the looked good and they were too stupid to hate themselves - because some of them really should have.
Plus, the whole point of my website is not to make you feel bad into buying makeup, but rather to help you find some products that might help you out, but my first priority is to encourage people to like themselves. Makeup or no makeup. So I should take a dose of my own medicine.
All this thinking made it really clear to me?what the purpose of my blog is: to inspire self-esteem, to showcase my humor, to talk about makeup - the products, the work and the impact?of it all -?and how I get side tracked by all of that because of the kid - so much more a full time job than I could have ever imagined.
So while you're sitting there, pat yourself on the back, plan take a nice bath, tally up all the great things you did for yourself today, do something nice for someone else anonymously (pray for a speedy recovery for me would?be a nice place to start)?and give yourself a big hug from me.
More Cake For Me
kim | 21 January, 2005 19:57
So no party today. The kid had a 101.6 fever and snot running down his nose all day. I tried to take his temperature and it made him so upset he did something all over my hair that he hasn't done since he was 4 months old.?Back then,?I was covered in it. All over my hair - it was a mess.?Just when I was missing the good old days when I could put him down anywhere.
One good thing was that I didn't have to see someone I erroneously invited. In a moment of magnaminity (is that a word?), silently forgiven for sins transgressed against me, I invited this one chick that I'm not going to invite to the re-party. The party, part two.
I think he got sick from class because one of our friends got sick, too, and she's in that class. Let's not call it by its real name. Let's just call it Germboree.
So we ate cake and our refridgerator is stuffed full with wraps, fruit and Pellegrino. And now the poor kid is moaning again to sleep, saying, oh! this hurts! oh! this hurts. And I gave him motrin but that's all I can do. I want to take away his pain but sometimes you just gotta work through your own cold like a big boy. And sometimes all that left over cake helps mommy witness her baby in pain.
But that's going to stop on Monday when I start Oprah's boot camp. For real, yo.
Happy Congestion Day To You
kim | 21 January, 2005 06:33
Last night I bathed and fed my perfectly healthy son before bed. After which he coughed once, ahem. Then he coughed twice, ooh is there something caught in there? And coughed a third time, this time a little phlegmy. Capital F. I thought.
Then there was the moaning all night. Like he was saying, ow, I'm so uncomfortable! Uch! This is terrible. And then more congested coughs.
I slept in his room on the floor on my yoga mat with a few blankets on top so?I could be there if he woke up or when he expelled the thing that was obstructing his airway? I was so worried. As you can imagine, my back is killing me and I am exhausted.
I just started the rounds of calls to my lovely friends. They are so nice, but it's hard not to feel like a loser. I hope he doesn't think that 15 balloons and cake and catering for 20 is his get-well present from me and that sort of thing is going to continue.
I Feel So Dirty
kim | 20 January, 2005 19:30
I guess being a post-modern feminist is someone who gets paid as equally to a man but who is also comfortable posing nude or watching porn? I'm so confused about what is degrading and what is participation and what is naturally titillating and what is informed and what is unwitting self-exploitation?under the?guise of empowerment.
We did a shoot today and I got really, er, involved. I made suggestions and contributed to photographs that really brought out the sexuality of the subject, her fragility and her exhibionistic streak but I don't know if I'm all for it. But the photos look awesome.
So the question is: can I fight the medium? Obviously not. But when I reflect it upon itself am I satirizing or am I contributing to the problem of the degredation of women? That's a post modern question that I've not yet heard the answer to.
So I'm ashamed of myself. I've got to lay down.
Pretty or Pretty Freezing?
kim | 19 January, 2005 18:51
This morning I went out to do a little beauty writing just for two hours. I hate leaving the kid, I hate leaving him on his birthday and I especially hate leaving him as his face is contorted in fear, tears rolling down his face because he doesn't want me to leave. That feels just terrific. But women everywhere need to know what the best products are, and I need to help them out with that.
But it's really cold outside. Who wants to go to work when it's so cold? I know that all the people where I was going to write were going to be turned out. If not that turned out, then just young, which accounts for so much more than I formerly gave credit. Not Vogue turned out, but downtown hipster kind of thing.
I, however, like to be comfortable. If I could walk around in my pyjamas all day long I would. But since I am in said profession, I have to look a little like something. And, as I've mentioned many times before, I'm not quite into my pre-baby clothes although I do have a few things to wear so I'm looking so-so these days and thank G-d, my husband's still into me. But my feet gotta be warm or the deal's off. When I worked at Saks, I had a shoe guy named George on the fourth floor, who was so sweet that I liked to work with him.?He sold me these Italian winter boots that are much more fashionable than?any other winter boots I've ever had but they're still a little, well, comfy looking.
And then I noticed all these chicks and women outside who really know how to put it together even when it's cold. Like a fitted white down jacket with a white pom-pom hat, brown slash front pants tucked into thoseMarc Jacobs-like?furry boots - you know, the ones with the wedge heel and the cross-tie and the fur peeking out? So cute! Which I could totally take a cue from. But there was another girl with a skirt, an above-the-knee coat and heels with no stockings, no gloves, no hat her only accessory a cell phone. Every inch of her was beet red, but she had really long brown hair and fine features. And, apparently, self-heating skin, which I would love to purchase. Because I would love to be that cute walking around, but I will never be because I value my limbs way too much.
Happy Birthday, Kid!
kim | 17 January, 2005 20:20
Last year on this day I was laying in a hospital bed, a pillow across my lap and on that pillow was a tiny little person, not even 7 lbs., whom I had just spent 12 hours pushing out. I kept thinking how small he was and how precious and how breakable and how delicious and how he looked like my grandfather in his baby picture, whom I resembled in my baby picture. Now it's sort of hard to remember how tiny he was and I have to look at pictures to get the feel of it. I try to remember how light he was and what way his head favored and what his hands did.
I don't know if I'm still filled with oxytocin, but I can't imagine a time in my life when I've been filled with more love, compassion, determination and, well, hugs and kisses.
Giving birth to him gave me a newness and so for that I have to say, thanks, kid.
New Word: Moronics
kim | 15 January, 2005 08:08
If you have to repeat yourself continuously and repeatedly or if you are dealing with just plain old morons and you are so fricking tired of it, you can say to yourself in your head, "Hey! Stop with the moronics, huh?"
Today's Shoot, or Look, Ma, I Can Link!
kim | 13 January, 2005 19:31
Sorry, Noah, I didn't get you coffee. But I was up with the baby from 5:30 this morning. This morning he decided that this was the? morning that he would try out the shower with Daddy. He insisted on going in, so we let him?go in. Hysterically funny but put me back like a half hour. As it was I spent my whole morning walking back and forth with him, taking the toothpaste out of the linen closet?drawer and finding new places for it and dancing to?the quick, little electronic songs that his toys play.?It's sort of like we're at a rave?because it's electronic and we're both dancing and we're both ecstactially happy and love?each other so much.?Lucky thing I know how to put on makeup quickly.
I bent down on the floor and picked up the pieces of makeup, including brushes, from the floor where the kid had flung them randomly and started doing my makeup and after a minute I realized I was mugging for a mirror, but there was none because I was crouched on my floor.? facing my desk. So I just did it anyway, on the floor looking in no direction.
Then I went to le Pain Quotidien, a store in which I spend a ridiculous amount of money on decaf to stain my teeth and cookies the size of my face to increase my waistline but I can't help it and they are closed. It's 45 minutes after they were supposed to open and the store is dark. I need my organic decaf. Especially for a shoot day.
So Mike is very sympathetic (I'm going to drop him off in the cab near work and maybe we will get 2 seconds together, but wait! There's Prince Harry taking down the House of Windsor in the New York Post! So hard to choose. I will be with Mike forever and this is my only chance to read the paper...but I choose Mike. I love him so much.)
Then I go to Claudia's sister's doorman because Claudia was such a doll and lent me hair extensions and curling irons because I was up shit's creek without a hair dresser and she came to my aid. I now have my purse (with 2 cameras), two hair bags and a makeup suitcase. Then I went to Dunkin' Donuts and got a large decaf hazelnut and? blueberry muffin (which, out of guilt, I subsequently left?for Noah on the makeup table despite the fact that I caught?him sneaking his lunch, not sharing) I suppose I could have gotten?him a coffee. I apologize.
I got there at the nick of 9, and we only had 4 hours because of me and my nanny situation. Two girls, 6 looks. Oh my goodness.
Debbie came on time. She looked a little like Kate Bosworth and had sweet kitten of a personality. First look, always the easiest, took like a fricking hour. Like my fingers aren't working yet. The other problem is that I have an idea in my head and I try to stick to it keeping in mind the person in front of me, which rarely is an exact match of what I am thinking of. It's like an adjustment period. But there's also like finding things and checking out her skin and shiny or matte? Nude lips or pink? The look is matte and nude but her face screams shiny and pink. But this is the first in a series of three, or maybe now that Noah wants to go on the roof since the city has been engulfed by white cotton candy clouds, four (although Noah always wants to go on the roof and, to be fair, takes great pictures on the roof) looks that I need to keep a certain thread or level of continuity or?the whole thing is?just going to look stupid. And then there's the hair, which I have to perfectly slick back in a ponytail while keeping the side part and I just did makeup for the studio and now we're going outside. Adjustments. And I wasn't centered when I came in, you know?
So then we come back down and I offer some dumb direction for the posing and get out of there, because I have to figure out my big mess that I dumped everything out on the table because I was in a rush. Man, would the kid have a ball.
I forgot my hairspray and I'm going to be working with heat - curling irons and hot rollers - today. I don't have time for the learning curve of Claudia's kind offer. I'm too stupid and busy for it. But I need hairspray.
I get through the next look, more shimmery, a deeper gold/green eye with the emphasis under the eye, which is a departure for me and a golden lip and I curl her hair with a 1 3/4"? barrel curling iron and then tease the hell out of it with my hands to make it messy.
Then Chloe came while I was finishing and I needed to do Chloe's hair while Debbie was getting shot and I knew I was going to need hairspray and would have no time to get any, so I sent Noah out who did a fine job by getting me actually what I requested. Hard for a guy, I think.
I did one more look on Debbie, curled and messed her hair up even more, made her skin tan, lightened her eyes put lots of mascara on her and Vitamin E oil on her lips because they are naturally pink but a little chapped and I wanted them liquidy but not gooey.
In the meanwhile, I'm channelling Dita Von Teese on Chloe. Are you bored yet? I'm tired just writing about it. Tired of thinking about it. There was one more look on Chloe but I had to hightail it out of there so I could get money for the nanny who I almost forgot to pay (3 minutes before she left she softly inquired if I was going to be having a nice weekend) last week and get some lunch. It was 1:20.
I didn't eat until 2:00, which was fine because I am restoring all those precious lost calories by eating ice cream now. Then I will feel bad about myself, clean up, write a few pages in my novel, upload a few pictures to Flickr and go to sleep.
I hope we got some good pictures.
Anyone Know a Good Hairstylist? Or, unbelievable but so typical.
kim | 12 January, 2005 18:52
So at 3:50 pm, after frantically calling the hair person for two days, I get in touch with her - not she returns my phone call - and she says, "so, um,?is this for pay?"
And I said, "at ten of four the day before the shoot? No, we discussed this before. It's for everyone's portfolios." Long silence. "Do you not want to do it?"
"Um, yeah, maybe I could ask around here (at the unnammed but really wanting to name the hairstyling joint where she works)?and see if?anyone is interested.
I hung up on her while I was saying no thanks. Like, I hung up on myself being polite. Which is better than cursing at her.
When I was about 16 I didn't show up for a?babysitting?gig which totally screwed the mother. I'm sure. I wonder how much money I cost her or what I put in jeapordy for her. When I got older, especially now that I'm a mom and I had a nanny lie to me and tell me that her mother died and she was not coming back to work (I found out she probably even made up her husband and three children), I felt like I served my karmic debt.
I wonder what hairstylist I screwed over in a former life that I have to deal with these flakes? I'm doing hair tomorrow. So there.?
New Pictures Coming!
kim | 12 January, 2005 09:11
Last night, after I spent the day?goint to two doctors appointments, tried to iron out more website problems (they keep coming!), planned my son's birthday more, dealt with some insurance problems, and spent the afternoon with the (funnier than ever!) kid, made dinner for me and Mike, I went to Noah's at 8:30 to do some lighting tests.
Using me as a model (okay, seriously now, no more cookies!), we worked on the lighting/background scenarios for our shoot tomorrow. This is where I wish that I could be split in two. There was so much to talk about, so much to explore, so much to futz around with. First of all, I need to lose minimally 20 lbs and more like 30 if I ever want an acting career, which right now I don't. Second of all, when there's a camera and beautiful lighting, all I want to do is makeup and there wasn't enough time to do it! I wish I could have done?a shoot right then and there. I love doing makeup so much.
Tomorrow we are doing two girls, Debbie and Chloe. Debbie's really beautiful but I haven't seen many pictures of Chloe so we'll see what happens.
The nerve wracking thing about?a shoot is that there are so many microscopic details that can go wrong that you only find out afterward, when it's too late. I thought she looked like this and she really looked like this. I thought the lighting was goingt to look like that and instead it looked like that. I forgot to groom that other eyebrow, and there's a piece of hair going across her face that we can't photoshop out. That was not the right color lipstick. her lipstick is bleeding. She looks cross-eyed in that picture. There definitely is a learning curve and I think it takes time to get with someone else's style. Me and Noah have been working together since about August and I think we've done some good shit together, but it hasn't been often enough.
So I think tomorrow will be great. A new leaf and a new set of images. Because as gorgeous as Tessa is, I'm a little sick of looking at the same picture on my website every day. And I'm sure you are, too.
Support is Pretty
kim | 10 January, 2005 23:18
I have a friend who was?incredibly generous with me when I was having?the big nursing crisis. After my doctor gave me bad advice that made my milk supply evaporate to nothing, she talked to me every day, multiple times a day about the boobie, the seven?fricking droplets of?milk I would pump every 45 fricking minutes, how many ounces the baby weighed and how to shake it out in the hot shower like a porn star?to get every droplet out. She made one of the biggest disappointments of my life funny and bearable and never gave up on me. When I decided to give up after trying harder than anyone in history to make it work after one's doctor totally screwed it up for her, she supported me through my tears. Then there was the sleeping nightmare. She would let me put the phone down, go to the kid, do the soothing thing and then come back and cry to her on the phone. She is the one of the most loving and supportive people I know.
And I just have to say for myself, if you're a friend of mine, I will do anything in my power to help you. I will extend myself way beyond all limits if you are hurting, happy or just want to eat some cookies. I'm quite a devoted friend.
So this friend of mine, who is so awesome, her kid has Asperger's which is sort of like Autism, but her delicious kid is higher functioning. But nobody is there for her. I'm in a different state, so I can call and lend support but I can't go over there and drop off a casein-free, gluten-free lasagna or even some grilled fish and vegetables (without soy sauce). Which I would totally make by hand if I was there.
So I ask you, people: if you know someone who is having a difficult time and or you feel judgemental about it or it scares you, please get over yourself and help anyway. Please watch one less half hour of tv and do something that is hard for you but would help someone else. Send money, volunteer, call up someone who is lonely and give some love.
When you help someone else, it might make you feel better and when you feel good you look good.
If I Have To
kim | 07 January, 2005 11:11
Since being back from vacation I admit I have pretty much been in the house the whole week. I'm a homebody, what can I say? I like pajamas. I like decaf. I like snuggling. I'm not into being rained or sleeted upon. I don't like to smell bad but if that's incidental, then what can be done? Where I was on vacation it was 70 degrees and perfectly dry. I was turning into a nail file, but the atmosphere was nice.
Today we start a new gym class today so I need to see my mommy friends. Plus, I feel very positive about the viewership of the website and I am in the process of wrangling some tv spots, so I need to continue to lose weight and think about looking good. So today I blew my hair straight and I'm about to put some makeup on because the kid's asleep.
I know I'll get back in the groove, but really, if I didn't have to, I wouldn't. I would sit in bed, order up macro platters and cookies, tickle my kid and flip the channel.
...A Million Times Sorry
kim | 06 January, 2005 20:47
All I can do is apologize for my technical ineptness. I am just a makeup artist and a writer and a mother and an actor, people. I am no technoperson. Just ask Adam and Ray. I call them all the time. They did design a fairly easily updatable website, but I am still having problems:
1. Imaging Software - Photoshop, I hear is like $650 US. I will try gimp, which is free but takes a very long time to download. Scared. But I need it to size images for the site or else it will look like a crazy patchwork.
2. Blog frigging Spam? - To the owners of that disgusting poker website, whose server is based in hell, I am sending you a bill for 2 hours of my time for first speaking to Ray, then Adam, then figuring the whole thing out, then doing it. That will be $150. If I get porn blog spam, then I am seriously going to kick some ass.
3. Adam -?I know you're busy, but you promised to?finish my spotlight page?by early next week, so please, okay?
4. Did I mention I'm tired? Now that the kid is walking I have less time than ever. That impedes my learning.
So be patient with me, and I think the returns will be great. In just a few more days. And since Ray and Adam never read this, I can say whatever I want. Hee hee.
kim | 06 January, 2005 20:45
Did you know that when you send an evite, that everyone can see that a recipient viewed it? So why, then do people not respond? I think if they don't respond soon, I'll just take them off the evite. You can edit it, you know.
Just joking. But I won't order a big enough cake, that's for sure.
Prettier and Prettier!
kim | 05 January, 2005 22:51
I am so excited! I am spending a new and different fortune to update my site for you, my reader, and also, truth be known, to make my site way more kick-ass than it is.
Sorry I haven't updated, which I plan to do bi-weekly. I'm waiting for Noah to help me with some imaging software. Always waiting for Noah. Oh, Noah.
It's not his fault, it's Ray's. Just joking, Ray. Ray is a rock star.
But just you wait, it's gonna be awesome!
kim | 05 January, 2005 13:33
During the day when you feel tense, angry, anxious, sad, worried, frustrated, belittled, overly-entitled or hungry but full just breathe.?
Tip for a Rainy Day
kim | 05 January, 2005 09:13
In New York it's? raining and Camilla says it might snow. We just got back from a sunny dry place and I don't think I'll go out for another two days. Today I will blow out my hair and put on my Cherries in the Glow lip gloss, a sheer red this side of neutral, so I don't feel like such a?greasy slug?while I chase the kid around the house. If you go out, you should do the same although wind does mess lip gloss up a bit.
Happy Birthday, Smarty
kim | 04 January, 2005 14:13
With thanks to darling and supportive (and open and caring) Kyra, the omni-grounding and reality check giving Shari and the streamlining of Pamela, the kid is getting a birthday party at home.
I'm pushing the furniture out of the way, stashing the rug, clearing away the toys and putting the strollers in the hallway. Sushi for moms, sugar-free cake for kids and everybody gets their favor at the beginning so they have something to play with. It will have to be bigger than their mouths. But not the sushi.
So Shari, Lisa, Dana, Lara, Tara, Carrie, Nadine and Erika - you'll get your evite tonight.
Happy Birthday, Suckers
kim | 04 January, 2005 09:08
On January 19, my son will be one. That means a birthday party. Or not. I would have one in my home but I had a Chanukah party with three kids and three moms barely stuffed in here, with strollers in the hall and Dylan first crying and then eating Jake's toys, which freaked Jake out. But if I take him to a restaurant, it's a fortune and he will be walking around the entire time. Not to mention that he will never remember it. I had a suprise party for my second birthday that frightened me so badly that I cried. I sort of remember it, but not really. Why press the issue if there are so many negatives? It's really a community building thing and if all of his friends have one and he doesn't, isn't that a little bit of a bummer?
I have a save the date for the 21st, which my friends seem to have saved the date, but I'm still scrambling. I just want to be a good mom and give him the sun the moon and the stars, but does a pizza?birthday fit into that constellation? At least there are no horrible kid's theme restaurants here that could hijack us into being cheezy.
New Year's Resolution
kim | 03 January, 2005 16:00
I've been reading a few blogs here and there and I think I'm supposed to inspire you with a list of goals for the new year. I'm lucky to be Jewish because I get two new yearses but no matter how much or how hard I resolve, I still can't seem to clear the back fat off my list. Because it's still on my back. Because the chocolate is still in my mouth. Are you gettting the picture?
It's just harder now that I have the kid. Not that motherhood automatically means you gain weight. but since I did gain weight, it's hard to get it off and it's hard to eat right because I have the exhaustion and the bad habits from all those months of stuffing my cake hole with anything that would fit into it. My son, when he gets older, will probably love tomatoes and every combination thereof, cheeseburgers, chocolate milkshakes and dumplings. Or maybe he will hate them because he ate them all almost every day in that order when he was baking in my oven. Oh, and ice cream.
The reason why I am writing this entry is because I am eating ice cream right now. The "no sugar added" kind, but that's sort of like "reduced addictive" heroin. Dumb.
So how will I do this? I'm not sure. I've really tried everything on the block but I have faith that The Universe will restore my willingness not to eat every time I am tired or frustrated.
Maybe I'll donate the value of a year's worth of ice cream to the relief efforts going on in South Asia? There's something that might work.
And while we're on that subject, can you take a moment of silence now to honor the dead? And the living who might never see their dead get buried?
Happy New Year. And let's count (and sometimes kiss) all of our blessings.