How Many Moms Does It Take To Start A Fight?
kim | 31 March, 2005 22:49
Two. But they both have to be overtired, over taxed and have had no sleep. Oh, right, that's overtired. So add in one more sleepy condition. Add in a sprinkle of spaciness, some olives and strawberries, some salami, a few tears and a dry-heaving son. And voila! Instant fight! But you're both too reasonable to stay mad, because you are too important to each other. And after all, isnt' that what husbands are for? We moms gotta stick together.
Goodbye, C*ck Blog
kim | 31 March, 2005 21:02
I am having such a good time with Laws of Nature. When I get snarky, I really get snarky. And you know what? I realized there is so much c*ck on that blog, I really surprised myself. I'm behaving like a 12 year old boy.?And you know what? I got some really negative feedback for it. I really offended someone important to me. So, I'm going to take the c*ck off the blog. Perhaps I will start a different blog and do some different kind of marketing, but until I create the C*ck Blog, which I just don't have the energy to do right now, feel free to start your own.
Good luck with it. I'm going back to being a lady.
I'm Famous Part II
kim | 30 March, 2005 21:28
Pamela did an interview with me! My first interview! It's really an artist profile page, but I did answer questions. Hee hee.
Tonight I Will Not Eat Cupcakes
kim | 30 March, 2005 19:45
Only because I can't get to them. Or else I would have four. It's that kind of night. It will pass and then it will be morning. Right?
kim | 29 March, 2005 12:49
Do you think if I changed my first name to Bunny and my last name to something more Polish and stopped eating I would become more mysterious? I would like to be more mysterious. Perhaps I should adopt a Franco-Hungarian accent as well. What do you think?
kim | 28 March, 2005 14:44
Every other day I go to Duane Reade Pharmacy and purchase items for my family. Diapers, baby wipes, toilet paper, paper towels, pacifiers, prescription medicines, thermometers, medicine droppers, feminine protection, birth control, gum, water all run through me and my family or we through them. This stuff that sops up all? the fluids of life fills the closets of my home in rising tides and then it is all gone, washed down the drain.?Then I have to?pack up the kid and go across the street to get more. There will never be a time in my life when?these fluids will not overflow, when I one day have to stop going to the drugstore, like menopause. There, I'm done with toilet paper? Never going to happen.
I guess I should just?get comfortable with?the shopping, the shlepping, the spending. I?just noticed today.?
Chocolate, It's Not Just for Dessert Anymore!
kim | 27 March, 2005 09:36
Ever try sleep training with your kid? I do a modified version in which I go in a little after he's calmed down, but still yapping and give him the paci and the bear, tell him I love him and walk out. As many times as he needs. He would never, ever go to sleep while I am there. At the same time, I am a believer in the Brazelton method - letting the child know you're there; stay firm but don't abandon him. This is the hardest thing to do: to support your child through his discomfort but not try to either take the discomfort away or run away. Stay present with your child in his pain. Guide him through it. Essentially teach him how to fish. You wouldn't leave him when he's getting his shots would you? (I had to the first time, I was going to faint, literally) To me, it's the same thing. But now the kid knows that we're in the thick of sleep training, he is pulling out all the stops with the crying. Like wigs, he's trying on the ugliest ones and just when you think that's the ugliest one, he fishes down in the bottom of his trunk and pulls out a real doozy.
I imagine he's saying, "Why you do this to me, Damie? How could you be so cruel?"
I am sleep training him because he wakes up twice nightly and he's 14 months old. He insists on being rocked to sleep and sometimes he's up for two hours at a time. I need to function and he needs to learn how to sleep. Sometimes I wish that I could keep him at 3 months, all smushy and head lolling and put him in a sling and have him warm against my belly and he would just be all squishy baby in there and he would wake and sleep as he saw fit, no problem. But, then I would be talking about someone else's kid, because that was never our experience.
It must be done, but it's so hard for me. I have to fight the impulse to make him happy all the time at the expense of his well being. So I do it in the most loving and humane way possible. He has to grow up, and so do I. So that's why I need to tuck into the chocolate chips this morning. For the rest of the day, I will do some chocolate training. One uncomfortable person at a time in this house, please.
kim | 27 March, 2005 01:14
Today I am counting my blessings and I encourage you to do the same. Start with where you are right now.
Mike and I?had a really nice date tonight. I'm a little bit in love. After 10 years, man. He's so awesome. I'm a little giddy.
That Old Dream Again
kim | 26 March, 2005 05:36
Last night I had a dream that I took a day-long SAT sort of situation, like an SAT carnival replete with dirty streets and ice cream cones and algebra panic. Yes, I was forced to take an four-hour long algebra test last night in my dreams?for which?I wasn't prepared. The English stuff I?guess I did great on, but the?other, oy.?I was panicked the whole time and then?when we went to get our scores,?I looked for my name on the list in the?top nine passing categories and it wasn't there. In addition, when Richard Dreyfuss asked his?producer for a memo,?I?had been the one to to type it and she told the table of test takers (on a long table like 10 times the size?of the Pain Quotidient community table) that there were three typos and it was my fault.?And then Kristi, a real girl from my real acting program who had a real baby in real life whose body bounced back real quickly, mocked me.
Yay! Good morning to you, too!
kim | 24 March, 2005 21:06
Please let it be known that I plan to get a Nikon D70 sometime this year so that I can start taking good pictures instead of conceptually good pictures.
Made My Day
kim | 24 March, 2005 18:50
I just got a thank you call from a client. It made my day. I love making people happy and feel good about themselves.?Sort of?like chocolate ice cream!
The Pretend Nice Lady Down The Hall
kim | 24 March, 2005 07:59
We moved into our apartment building when I was about 5 months pregnant. We had lived, for too many years, in a fifth floor walk up that was way too small but had charm, a lovely courtyard and was $800 a month. But obviously we couldn't stay there. The weekend I moved here, I also moved my office at Saks (by myself) and I ended up in the hosiptal because I was bleeding but everything was okay and it was an unrelated to moving problem.
Immediately I noticed how nice everyone was in the building. We had lived for so long in a?building with bitter, single women, hustling men, old dogs and skulking illegal subletors that I didn't even remember what it was like to live with nice neighbors. But everyone was so welcoming.
Soon after we moved in, I bumped into an elderly lady down the hall. Seemed reminded me of the nice version of my mean old aunt, G-d rest her soul. This lady always wanted to go out for coffee. I would have loved to, but I was sick all the time, either sleeping or working or eating or passing gas. 2:00 - 5:00 in the morning would have been a perfect time because I had insomnia so bad. But there was something there - I didn't know anyone in the building and I didn't want the crazies to befriend me and also there was something a little off. So I made polite conversation until I had the baby.
After we got home we had all these nursing problems and I was up morning, noon and night, sick with worry and feeling terrible because my awful doctor who I am restraining myself from naming here because I have such vitriol for him, kept treating me like a psycho, did not take me seriously and totally screwed up my nursing. The old lady down the hall was insulted that I wasn't inviting her in. She would make surprised comments in the four seconds I would get to be by myself subtly pressuring me to let her in and see that baby.
He hated going outside and he hated the baby bjorn but he hated going in the stroller and I could?not be housebound, so I would take him out and he would throw up all over me and I would wipe it up and come home. These were not easy first months. One day I had him in the bjorn and she asked me how it was going, and I told her we were having trouble nursing and she said, in her sort of deaf-loud voice, "OH, DO YOU HAVE INVERTED NIPPLES?" Um, just exactly like my mean old aunt. My instincts had served me well. How did I answer her? No, they're like corkscrews and the doctor can't figure it out. I punched her. The baby threw up on her. No, no. Nothing. I just said, no, it's more complicated than that and she looked at me like she wanted an explanation. I really, really ignored her from then on.
Her pain at being rejected has now transmuted into full-blown passive aggression. Now every time I see her, she calls the baby a girl or tells me how fat he is. One day, she actually said, "Is he...fat?" And I replied, "No, dear, that's you and your ass." No I didn't! But I wanted to.
Usually my instincts are right. And I know a family cognate when I see one. I saw her the other day and she said, "He looks well fed." And I said, "Oh, that's just your dementia." But I didn't because she wouldn't have remembered.
kim | 23 March, 2005 14:08
Lordy, it's hard to put yourself out there. I had a little discussion with the Slimer and it turns out his comment was totally innocuous. I guess I need to read my own website. It's hard for me to be seen. It's easier to just be plain and unnoticed. We teach what we need to learn somebody really crunchy once told me.
kim | 23 March, 2005 06:20
I cannot find any photographers these days. I am trying to update my images. I'm definitely having an I Suck moment because I can't figure out why I can't find any! I?would think any up and coming photographer would want?some exta exposure and to find a?prett decent and cerebral makeup artist to work with. Did I mention cute? Anyway.?So I take matters into my own hands and try to work on a makeup idea I have. It looks great but I can't get it right with my shitty little camera. So I try alternate things and then I come across this moment, what I think is a provocative but not explicitly sexual by any means?picture, snap it, crop it and upload to flickr. It gets the most views I've ever gotten instantly and I'm feeling pretty good about myself until I get this comment: Nice to meetcha. Eew. Gross. Did I lay myself out for that? I want to keep working on images and makeup? andif I can't find any photographers, I'll keep working on my own but I'm feeling really discouraged. Usually when I write a negative blog entry I just delete it and try to be positive. But today, my little creative flower is feeling crushed. And in my pictures I'm feeling a little fleshy. I might pull myself off of flickr altogether, but I'll wait until it all dies down. I feel like someone just copped a feel and ran away.
I need a little encouragement today.
Not Taking My Own Advice
kim | 22 March, 2005 21:31
I am so old that I forgot how old I was going to be and when I remembered to ask my husband and he told me, I got queasy.
kim | 22 March, 2005 20:26
You know what? Today I had the sweetest client. She was a total makeup junkie (I'm going to get her to bring her drums of stuff over and we will dump it out, I'll make little collections for her and do face charts with each collection) so we had so much fun talking about everything. EVERYTHING! She grew up in NY just like me and we both used to go to Studio (54) at 15 and drink champagne while getting ready (okay, I drank Pink Champale on the street on the way, but whatever). That all was anecdotal and fun, but what really made my heart sing was that when I was done and I saw how pretty she looked, she really took it in and felt great leaving. I helped a woman feel great about herself today. That's cool.
kim | 22 March, 2005 03:35
It's 3:30 am. How am I supposed to look good when my sleep keeps getting interrupted?
kim | 20 March, 2005 21:53
I don't watch Deadwood for several reasons, the cheif one being that I have to clean up on Sunday nights. Plus, I don't want to cheat on Tony Soprano or Nate Fisher, so I'm just waiting for them to come back. I'm a very patient girl. But while I was stacking up board books (Big C little c what begins with c? Clean the fricking house all day long, c c c.) I walked by the tv with Deadwood playing from it and noticed Geri Jewell, Blair Warner's comedienne cousin with MS in a supporting role. What an inspiration: someone who I'M SURE? everyone said could never make it, they probably couldn't find a mental place for her in the entertainment industry. Not only does she get an amazing role in an amazing show on an amazing network, it's like the role was written for her and she actually got the part instead of a non-MS actress who would work with that as her impediment. Bravo to HBO for being so brave and bravo to Geri Jewell for persistance. I didn't even mention that she transitioned from a comedy career. Do you think George Clooney had anything to do with this?
A side note: the makeup on that show is awesome.
Is That So Wrong?
kim | 19 March, 2005 22:29
Today I did a wedding for a lovely young couple. I was to do one of the bride's friends afterward at a separate location but that didn't happen. However, one of the bridesmaids wanted her makeup done, which I was happy to do.
I arrived just a tad early to the dream hotel and set up. Everyone was running just a tad late, as they always do at weddings. The bride was splendiforous, she actually got married the day before to her husband, surprising everyone, even the groom. She hired a helicopter to fly over his favorite landmark which is not open at this time, so that they could get married in the place of his dreams. What a sweet woman! I hope, if it doesn't work out for them (ptoo ptoo, we should spit out such bad thoughts) she will consider marrying me.
So I did her bridesmaid who commenced having her hair and nails done in?a different location. You know, I did her makeup and she left without paying me. Which was fine because I knew she was coming back, I just knew it was going to be a problem because: after the bride is done, all the focus is on her. It should be. And this bridesmaid was running slightly late all over the place. So after the bride was done, there I was, ready to get my coat on, and no bridesmaid. I called the bridesmaid in her room, no answer. I knew this was going to happen.?I asked the bride - AS SHE WAS GETTING IN HER DRESS - where the bridesmaid was, she hadn't paid me and she looked slightly irritated. Of course she was. It was all very subtle, but annoying. I'm sure this friend?does shit?like this all the time, but I came early, I did?the makeup, I should?get paid, right? It should be noted at this point that the bride paid me a week in advance thereby getting the?bullshit out?of the way for herself.?
In the?midst, I chucked my jacket, knelt on the floor, helped the bride get in her dress. Then I took pictures with my cameraphone because both batteries?in my camera were dead. I tried to be helpful. I try to go above and beyond for these brides. It's their special day! They need lots of fairy angels around them. Not like they'll remember, but it adds to the overall experience.
Then I got the $$ from the bridesmaid and split.
I think all the tension of waiting got to me because when the?out-of-towners waiting for a cab BEHIND me, cut in front of me and STOLE A CAB?while Mike was on my cell, convincing me to pick up cupcakes on my way home, I started?muttering, "Oh, sorry, in New York we wait on line and don't cut. We don't steal each other's taxi's. We take our bleeping turn. Or maybe in Iowa, it's okay to?steal cabs from Jews?" Slightly yelling now to the doormen who were dressed up?like 19th Century?footmen. Not making one bit of sense. I truly have never met one person from Iowa and have no idea how they feel about Jews. The footmen?didn't hear my?joke so I said it louder, being as vulgar as?I possibly could be,?my?personality twisting immediately because?I was?held prisoner and I thought I was made to look bad by one?woman. One of them kicked out the out-of-towners and held the door open for me. JEWS! I said the punchline to my joke as I entered the cab. "Ha ha, Jews," he laughed as I pressed two dollars into his palm. Hey, look that was nice of me, I?wasn't even staying in that dump.?
I mean, I worked for the money, shouldn't I get paid the money? After waiting, I felt like I was asking for something I didn't deserve. Like I was freeloading. But I'm not playing that game because my kit is heavy and this is not a charity. Right? Like I said, it was all subtle, but I feel like it made me look bad. I'll just try to think good thoughts for that bridesmaid, okay? You do it, too.
kim | 18 March, 2005 08:47
I am so excited! Business is booming. After the baby was born I took it slow, letting people come to me: my old clients, inquires from the book, referrals, and that suited me just fine. I really don't want to spend too much time away from the kid if I don't have to. I do have help for half the day usually, so that gives me plenty of time do do a quarter of what I really need to do, work on my website and work with private clients or on shoots.
But, oh, the joy! Now you know that I want you to embrace yourself as you are. I want you to be the best you you can be, but most of all I want to you to have self-acceptance. But it's a little easier when you know what you're doing and can actually reflect who you want to be rather than doing what you saw in a magazine when you were 16 and not having a clue how to change it. In a word, choice. I love giving women the power of choice.
Yesterday I had the most gorgeous client. She looked a little bit like Denise Richards, but?a little sexier. She was sweet, open, and she had almost everything in her makeup bag that she needed but was just using everything wrong. Wrong? Yes, okay, I said it: wrong. She was not bringing out the Mischa Barton in her, she was bringing out the?Pamela Anderson?in her. Is there anything wrong with Pam? No, on?the contrary. But she's a one trick pony (a very hot one trick?pony)?and not everybody can pull off that trick. And not everybody has to. And it was just because? my client?didn't know how to do?her makeup more?"herself-appropriate"?so she just did what she knew.
I will tell you a secret. And this is not much of a secret: if you are using black liquid liner all around your eye as eyeliner above and below? You need to call me for an appoinment. I'm sure you are gorgeous underneath that black eye, but how would anyone be able to tell?
Spring is around the corner, people. This weekend is going to suck but then it's flowers and sunshine. I can't wait. Do you want to have your vision obscured by all that black eyeliner? Chuck it!
If You Are Going Out Tonight...
kim | 16 March, 2005 19:25
Wear something really festive! Go all out! Wear red lipstick and high heels. Do your hair in velcro rollers, use hairspray, and tease.?Put on just a droplet too much perfume. Pretend it's the '90's and you're?P. Diddy.?Why? Because I'm in baby jail and I want you to have fun for me and then write me and tell me about it. Please? Really, I mean it.
But...if you're staying in and writing in your blog and have the impulse to let a train of thought run off into the distance...or want to create a double entendre...and intend on?using an elipsis...please be prudent and use only?three dots, because that's all there are to be had in an elipsis. Not four, not eight, not two and it's not up to you. If you are feeling particularly exclamatory, use the shift key and all of the characters above the numbers. If you want to describe another feeling with words, just sit there for a minute and let the word come to you or look it up in the dictionary. Hash it out in an aloud conversation with yourself. Just try, okay?
So red lips and/or three dots. Those are my reccomendations for tonight.
kim | 15 March, 2005 18:08
I want to be funny tonight. I want to be as hysterically funny as her and her and her. But I'm not. I've been dealing with a sick kid who keeps getting sicker and sicker with new and different ailments every day. Lattes don't help me, cookies don't help me, lipstick helps a little. Because when you look good, you feel just a smidgen better. And when you've been up all night long - every hour, no joke - and you accountant tells you that you look good, you kind of believe it.
Now, just so you know, I don't mean hysterical in the true Greek meaning. I don't want my womb to wander around. I don't want to be ungrounded, unreasonable or super-sensitive.
But it's sort of too late because the kid was up every hour last night burning up with a fever but refusing to take Tylenol because we tortured him with the re-cherry flavored orange flavored antibiotics. And he was?up the night before. You know what night he wasn't up? The night Mike took him. (He's been working extra hard so I'm picking up some slack). That was the one night.
Now I'm not even able to go to sleep, I'm too wired. Everybody says, "kids get sick," and?they act?like I'm being a?kookoloconut It's just that when the kid gets sick, he really gets sick and I'm up for two weeks in a row, almost straight.
So I may not be that funny tonight, but I am hysterical.
When a Young Girl's Fancy Turns to Lust
kim | 14 March, 2005 18:42
For lo, these last six days, the kid has been sick. First it started in his tummy which did a fabulous job of trying to get rid of the virus as much as it possibly could, if you know what I mean. For six days. Then it was the rash. I like to say we are in the boils stage of our Job illness. And now it's all compounded by strep throat. Which is rare in a 14 month old but does not indicate anything. What it does produce is a virulent hatred of orange flavored liqiuid anti-biotics. Trying to administer the offending liquid by spoon and then the dropper was not unlike?giving him innoculations. I just couldn't get it in his mouth from the bucking and the crying. Mike suggested we get a different flavor. Seeing as how my pharmacist had to make two phone calls just to get this rare stuff; so rare, in fact, that it cost $25 more than a regular perscription with insurance, I didn't think we had a choice of flavors. Turned out I was right but what he could do, the pharmacist told me, was add cherry flavor. Could ja? Wow.
So off I went with my?son's special, need-to-be-refrigerated, $35 antibiotic that tastes like shit to him?to the disgusting pharmacy. Not that the pharmacy itself was disgusting but the people desperately waiting for their perscriptions were hacking and moaning. One guy looked like he was going through the DT's. He was?wincing an awful lot.?So there I waited, pacing back and forth for 40 minutes comparing the pink grapefruit with the golden tubes of L'Oreal lip gloss. They were only $5.99 but I always like to wait just a minute before I buy something to make sure I need it. They are gorgeous.
Did I mention I look like hell? I won't tell you the last time I showered. It's just not polite. I have smudged mascara under my eyes. My hair's in a ponytail, but the regrowth is saying, "sproing" all over my head. In a word: I look nasty. I probably don't smell that tasty, either. But one man's poison is another woman's pussy because as I was walking back, a bull dyke -?an honest to goodness top -?looked at me as I was crossing the street. Not only looked at me, but looked at me fairly wolfishly. Like if we were in the Brambles, she might proposition me in a way that I might not understand was a proposition because I don't speak lesbian casual sex shorthand. But dude, she wanted me.
Only for a split second. But a girl knows these things.
Before I was pregnant, nay, my whole life since I developed quite voluptuously at 12, I have been getting stares and comments on the street because I live in New York and the men can be quite rude on the street. I hated it and it really did a number on me growing up with constant verbal assaults. Young girls are easy targets so as I got older, my energy changed but I could tell they were still looking but they also know that I would kick their ass. I have engaged, not very brightly, in one verbal fight. But then I saw the slip to my skirt was all the way up to my crotch and the see through overlay was exposing most of my legs. I may have said something, too. But since I got pregnant and after - nothing. It's like I don't even exist. Which is kind of nice. Or if I do exist, it's only to German guys who are like 40 lbs. overweight. Whatever. But I have never, ever had a girl give me that eye before. Does that mean that I look?like a?bottom femme? Or do I look like a butchy dyke who wants to have casual sex in the Brambles?
In any case, this illness is taking its toll on my beauty. I need a mani, pedi and my roots done. I need to sip lattes for a little while and recharge. If you want to do that with me, I'm going for it tomorrow at noon. I encourage you to do the same.
Here Comes The GORGEOUS Bride!!
kim | 12 March, 2005 21:15
Today I did a?bridal test.? I?never used to get?it right with brides. Celebrities? We get along famously. Private clients? I take care of them like my own little kittens. But brides? They are often confused. I want to look natural, they tell me; or: I want to look glamorous. They are always in flux and are using English to speak, but the wiring in their head is all crossed up in different circuits and plugs and holes that they do not know what the frick they are talking about and I can never decode their seemingly simple speech into what it actually means.
Then I met a woman who has a booming bridal business. Actually, I used to work with her behind a counter a million years ago. She's quite good. I saw her wedding portfolio and I realized - this is what all brides want! So I've been doing them that way ever since and I've been a smash hit.
But brides are also the most fun because you are working with them on this day that is completely filled with love. Nutty relatives notwithstanding, the rooms are always overflowing with good feelings and once they put that gown on? Goosebumps EVERY TIME!
I wasn't sure how this bride was going to work out. We disagreed on her colors, I thought they would be too neutral but I really believe that it's important to honor the bride and make it work. If you try to make her something she's not, then you're not honoring her essence. If the bride's essence isn't honored than what the frick is she doing with you as a wedding professional? But after I applied the colors they came out beautifully. She just needed me there to channel the beautiful bridal look for her. She is going to be magnificent on her wedding day. Together, we made a great team. If I can stay humble and respect the person facing me, I can learn something new every day.
kim | 10 March, 2005 19:58
I got this weird call from a camera guy the other day, a camera guy that had a ubiquitous-enough sounding name that he could have been anyone, for a job in Harlem today. What was the job for, I asked. A corporate client, he answered.
Sounded fine, I got my rate but I was still suspicious. Now I'm a person given to great fits of anxiety but I also have an incredible sixth sense for when something's not quite right. So I looked up the camera man on the web, found a picture ODDLY of him filming a bunch of people walking around barefoot for peace or something like that for?one day and I thought, okay.
I never get up to Harlem. His details were sketchy, he was a vague charachter altogether so I was nervous. When I got uptown I could not believe how incredible the mansions were. We are so living in the wrong part of town, yo. Harlem is beautiful. On the block which we were shooting Vanessa Williams was filming a feature. Further down, just a few doors from the mansion in which we were shooting, there was a fancy Real Estate sign on another gorgeous mansion: this undervalued mansion for sale. I got to my destination, saw the camera man, mostly remembered him and greeted him and went inside.
This mansion was owned by one black woman. The?place had beautiful wood work but was slightly run down. She had stripped the wood with her two hands. Posters and puzzles were framed and populated the walls as art. Matching in basic color but mismatching thoroughly in time period was the furniture?filling up the home with skewed comfort. The rooms rambled and the ceilings towered. There were four floors and the kitchen was in the basement. The whole kitchen spanning the whole basement. When I went upstairs to meet the owner, her room was vast and dark. It was daylight but she sat there almost in silhouette. I asked if there were any lights and she went over to a chair with a table and turned on the light and sat in the chair. There was no where for me to sit and I had to work out of my bags and so I knelt at her feet. This woman owned the whole thing. She scraped together $40,000 with her husband in 1972 and bought it, furnished. He died shortly after and then she singlehandedly, with no tenants, kept that place for herself for the last 30 some years by working as a nanny. Her voice was soft and squeaky. I listened to her whole story and then?about?how she had begged her friends to buy in Harlem but nobody would and now they're renting and the white people are moving in and taking up all the houses. I didn't quite know how to react. Did she know I was white? It's pretty clear. Was she insulting me? It wasn't neutral but it wasn't mean spirited. But she made me feel like The Man. But it was too late, I already fell in love with her. Here she was a quiet goddess of power who I could have passed on the street every day of my life. You just never know how people live. She didn't want makeup, so just I powdered her.
We went downstairs and I sat down on the couch next to the interviewer. It was the only place for me to be out of the frame of the camera. The shoot, it became clearer,?was a testimonial for a questionable bank product that helps senior citizens get some cash out of the equity but puts them in a position to pay back the bank even without income. Sounds like an advanced?home sale to me. But there she was, praising the bank product, saying how it was going to help her travel, give her offspring cash and generally improve her sense of well being.
I wanted to stand up and say, wait a minute! Are you sure about this? Isn't this just screwing you in a different way? You're giving your beloved house away - the one thing in this world that you love! I felt like I was watching Cassandra as she was hanging out with Apollo. No, thanks. I just like you as a friend...
But what do I know about bank products and homes? What do I know about the rights of others? I just sat there, doing my job, not getting involved, waiting for her to shine, on the other side of the camera, sitting next to The Man.
kim | 09 March, 2005 08:26
In New York it's 17 degrees but it feels like 1 degree because of the wind chill factor.?Every morning I have a hot cup of coffee waiting for the kid's babysitter because she shleps a long way to care for my son so? I can work. It's the very least I can do. I digress.
Did you ever see Runaway Train? Probably not, and I never saw the whole thing because I hate the male co-stars: Mr. Yucky and Mr. Irrelevant; but it starts out in a compelling if not completely gross way; especially if you're a germophobe:
Two convicts escape from prison and have to wade through sewage (in?cinema, it is mandatory that?convicts swallow some poop?while they're?busting out of the hooskow); somehow they wash themselves off and then when they are mostly clean, they LUBE THEMSELVES UP WITH VASELINE AND WRAP THEMSELVES IN SARAN WRAP. And then put their black wool clothing and black wool caps on. To keep warm, because it's cold out there. And then I think they meet Rebecca DeMornay and hijack a train or something like that. Tom Cruise (love him, lick him) really should have done much more for her career. He could have. And his first ex-wife, too. Now she's a gambling addict who logs on daily to a satanic gambling website. But anyway. This idea of keeping warm has never, ever left me. What a weird and specific detail. The person I was with at the time; a faceless, shapeless person now packed up taken by the brain cells who snuck out without giving me any notice so I could replace them with other brain cells, or at least interview some, told me why Mr. Yucky and Mr. Irrelevant were doing this as if everybody knows that you slather your body with petroleum jelly and mummify yourself with flexible plastic in order to offer an extra layer of protection.
Once at the Elizabeth Arden Salon in Tucson at La Paloma, had a seaweed wrap in which I was brushed with the "live, activated", I was told, seaweed and then wrapped in a crinkly silver blanket much like what I think runners?use after a race. But then the woman did Reiki on me, detoxified my body and my soul and then rinsed me off with a Vichy shower. I did not enjoy it, to be honest with you. Additionally, she detoxified me so much that I was sick for the next three days while on vacation.
I want to escape this winter. Do I need to ice my body like a cake with mineral oil and then adorn myself with baggies? Should I hijack a train and make the conductor go to the Breakers in Boca? Should I call up Rebecca DeMornay and see if she wants to get a latte and pedicure and we can create a strategy for relaunching her career? I bet she'd take my call.
No, I'll just have to be patient, apply shea butter to my hands and feet, Rose Bud Salve to my lips and curl up with a really great buddy movie set hot in the heat: Thelma and Louise.
kim | 08 March, 2005 23:21
I have a friend who I think the world of; but there are a few specific things that this friend does that make me want to throttle this friend like I'm this friend's alcoholic mom. As in, this friend does silly things and instead of saying to myself, oh! how silly! I get all mad and my eyes bulge out and if I were an alcoholic mom, I would scream accusations at this friend while my temple's vein pulsed and mascara pooled under my eyes not from tears but from sweat of rage exertion. The sort of situation where someone's yelling and someone's cowering in the corner.
I don't have this with anyone else. Just this one friend. And not always, just sometimes. But when it comes up, oh, boy! She's lording over me as clear as, well, an alcoholic mom.
Alcoholic mom never comes out, but she screams at?this friend?in my head! She sounds awful, but she cracks me up, because she overreacts to everything. However, she is rather loud, so I will have to insist that she get her shit together or go to a flop house.
I think I'll keep the friend. Nobody's perfect.
kim | 08 March, 2005 08:48
When I worked on the Weekend Today Show, I met a man who changed things how I worked. He was calm, cool and collected - quite uncommon in the television business - he was poised and polished - also difficult at 4:30 in the morning on a weekend, and he was hot.
Lloyd Boston taught me that style is not only on the outside, it starts from the inside. Read the spotlight interview here.
kim | 05 March, 2005 23:22
Mike's been working very hard lately, so I decided to take him out on a date. We went to?Sumile which is Japanese for completely delicious, I think. The atmoshphere was really sweet as well - seafoam green walls with floating low wattage incandescent lights. Minimal and zen-ish, but also quite happy as well. Mike and I?had a blast, me especially because I sunk down into a chair with 3 pillows propping me up. We had three appetizers, three entrees and three desserts. So good. Although I wasn't crazy about my main entree, I loved the other eight dishes we ordered. Oysters with pineapple vinegar. Mike doesn't even eat oysters and hates vinegar and he loved these; Dungeness crab with caviar, avacado and yuzu gelee, this egg custard thing that was so amazing I ate it in lieu of my dinner, and I don't remember what all else. I basically have not stopped eating all day and tomorrow I'm sure my eyes will be swollen shut mostly because the intense amount of salt I ingested today.
If you're a guy, I don't know why you'd be reading my beauty blog, but if you're in search for women, sumile has them. And well dressed - not your meat-packing district Sex and the City posers; are men purported to eat there? Because there were cups filled with plunging necklines and lots of lip gloss.
The one slightly gross thing was that we were sitting next to a table filled with 20 year olds, like eight of them, all huddled around this older Ryan O'Neal type. It was obviously someone's dad taking all of his daughter's girlfriends out for dinner (from Greenwich or Westport to the Big City). But you know he was going home with one of them. Maybe it was the one who asked her friend when a song came on, "Oh, is this Sexual Healing?" which anyone could tell that it wasn't, and her friend nodded. This girl proceeded to do almost a caricature of a waspy girl dance in her seat, one in which she felt very, very sexy. And here I am making fun of her which is not nice, but the extent to which they were all trying to be so cool was the extent to which this creepy dad was going to take one of them home. For instance, he was telling, loud enough for everyone to hear, a rather scatalogical story about his dog, if you will, and they were all alternatingly enraptured or giggling. Tell me there's not something gross there. Talking about dog poop after a beautiful meal is partially in bad taste, but it's also a power play. Let me see how far I can push these girls, I think he was thinking. I've dated jerks like that before.?If they were paying maybe they would have allowed their disgust to show. I paid and I know I wanted to smack him. You can see that exchange here.
Three cheers for Mike. I married a good one.
Px: Create Sunshine
kim | 04 March, 2005 09:03
It's sunny here today! Let's go outside and play, that's what me and the kid are going to do. Eat an orange. Remember what and who you are grateful for (apologies for the ending preposition). Save even just $2 for a rainy day Put on a little lipstick because it's a little windy and you don't want gloss streaks across your cheeks. Sunscreen and sunglasses will help. Spring is so around the corner. New beginnings, end of hibernation. Flowers, kittens and puppies.
No, seriously, I'm totally psyched.
kim | 03 March, 2005 22:24
I just got an email from someone who was writing from Arizona and really needed to stay there but wanted to use my services. She suggested an E-consult and said she could pay me through Paypal. Well, she's my new business manager! I am now offering online Personal Makeup Shopping!!! I'm getting the Paypal account set up now. Just send me a few photos, a list of what you have, a few stores around you, we'll have a conversation about what you want, I will help guide you, give you a shopping list and send you a face chart. You get two follow up calls. $150. Whattaya think? Now every city can be pretty!!! Not that you already aren't, maybe that's just not the appropriate color eye shadow. You? know?
Beyond My Control
kim | 03 March, 2005 14:32
I had breakouts my whole life. Big, red underground ones, blackheads, a constellation of red ones on my forehead and the worst: the kind of milia (melia) that a professional has to take out with a knife. So painful, but thanks to my insurance company, $20. Then I got pregnant. Beside the constant nausea and extreme fatigue, my hair and skin never looked better. If you turned the lights out in a room, you could see a little better if I was in there. I glowed. Even after pregnancy I was like a normal woman. The older the kid gets, though, the further away I am from being doped up on all the hormones that enabled me to be a good host, the more my skin is turning back to shit. I have about five big, red underground things on my chin. My nose is erupting. I have changed my cleanser (true, not my moisturizer but my skin is still pretty dry in places and it's not that heavy to begin with) and I'm masking every other night. Nothing's working. It's not the skin care, it's my hormones. So I will focus dutifully on exercise to see if I can regulate things, and believe it or not, it's been about a month with anything sugary just once a week if that. But sometimes there's not much you can do. I have one last recourse, and that's Idealist by Estee Lauder. I might not be able to whip my skin into shape, but nobody could deny the inimitable Estee.
kim | 02 March, 2005 20:23
I need a stylist for our shoots. We have incredible ideas and can't execute some of them because of we don't have a stylist. If you are an amazing, nice, down to earth stylist who wants to do satisfying work and be a part of a fast-growing brilliant team, or if you know someone who is, please contact me at kim(at)iamprettynyc.com.
kim | 01 March, 2005 21:39
Did I mention I was an English Major? Poetry and short stories, that's what I wrote. I have not written a poem in a really, really long time. Maybe eight years.
On Sunday I went to a poetry reading where my dear friend Gretchen Mattox?read some of her poems from her book Buddah Box and I was so inspired. I love poetry; although I am often so intimidated by it, still. Tonight while doing a routine event with the kid, I had this experience where I felt my grandma flow through him and it made me so sad and I just sat down and the poem wrote itself. I submitted it to Literary Mama.
I'll let you know how it all turns out.
Kim - don't forget...
kim | 01 March, 2005 13:06
"...the people you knew and have left behind in good or bad ways.
There is a little left in each of us - of those we have loved and made happy, loved and hurt and didn't love and used."
Every once in a while I check my comments for spam because my website sometimes has a sign on it's ass that says, "insert spam here"?and it wastes like an hour of my precious time, so I'm a little vigilant. Then I get this comment from someone who I can't tell if it's an acutal website or not because the URL leads nowhere, so I delete it - just out of paranoia. So if I erroneously deleted your comment, you know who you are, I apologize.
Then I look back to October and this comment was posted last night. Excuse me, I used you? If I wasn't before, I find myself the giver in most of my relationships these days. I let go of people not because I'm using them, but because I realize they are using me. I would say that I cannot remember honestly using anyone, at least in the last 20 years. Which is way further back than I can actually remember, believe me. I went to my high school reunion and I couldn't remember half the people who were there and I went to a tiny, tiny school with 47 people in my graduating class. That a serious loss of brain cells. Sometimes I'm surprised I remember my own name.
Whoever posted this, please have the courage to come forward and email me so we can get this straightened out. I'm totally willing to apologize to you if I have truly hurt you. It's such a great feeling when someone rights a wrong, why don't you try it, you'll feel better! I know I will! I hate having lingering problems with people. Although, I don't speak to any one of my ex-boyfriends which I feel perfectly okay with, because how would making up end up; you know? On the other hand, if you are someone who knows me very, very well and you know that?it's not that hard to make me?think everything in a relationship is my fault and you're not willing to look at yourself and your stuff, then just please - leave me alone.
Whether it's through talking about it with me or on your own, I hope you find the peace you seek.