One Small Thing
kim | 31 August, 2005 22:11
Americans spend over $8 Billion on cosmetics every year. The devastation that Katrina, that bitch, left? is thought to be over $26 Billion. Just saying. What if you donated the amount of your next lipstick to a good cause?
Boarding House Syndrome
kim | 30 August, 2005 14:05
You know how when women work together, their cycles all match up? Well, me and my babysitter are in synch with our gray hair: she lets it grow an inch too long before she gets it done, and I'm exactly a week behind her. She's like my hair calendar-reminder thing. And she takes really good care of the kid, too.
Not In The Mood To Fight City Hall
kim | 29 August, 2005 10:12
You will no longer find anything relating to a certain children's show that I am not a fan of. There are many more better qualified websites for you to revel in your glory with that show. I am signing off on that one.
I'm done fighting everything and everyone. I don't care for it. I've updated my website finally, sorry it's taken so long. I've just been trying to write my novel, here.
In beauty news, Amore Pacific is one of the few expensive lines that I really love. It's soooo expensive, but it's unbelievable. Especially if you have the bumpy skin, like me.
This Morning - A Call Sheet, plus a Little Torah Portion, Completely out of Calendar Context.
kim | 25 August, 2005 20:23
10:30 am, today - I know I said your call time was 12:00, but can you come here now? Thanks.
My favorite Torah study teacher was a guy who was a purist. Not Orthodox, although he studied with them as well as the Chassidim, but pure to the word, which appealed to the word-lover in me. He hated Purim. Why? Because there was a section at the bottom of the text that said the angels were rejoicing at the defeat of the enemies of the Jews. Now, these enemies had been slaughtered because they were going to slaughter the Jews. Fine. But if we are all God's creations, he argued, then how could the angels rejoice at their brutal death? And then how could we base the whole celebration on that giddy joy? Well, the take away point is this: there is someone who not only betrayed me, but she's having fun twisting the knife in. She's gleefully being very nasty to me in a roundabout way. But she's also having a hard time. It is clear to me that she is very judgemental toward herself and I am just a stand-in for her, a blank screen upon which she can project her self-hatred. Often, breaking off a relationship is the result of not wanting to let go of your emotional props and crutches and so you blame the other person for what's pissing you off. I am so happy for her humiliations and her defeats. But then I think, when we were friends, I was not happy for them, I would often soothe her through them (albeit often without thanks or acknowledgement). And if I apply the concept of not rejoicing at the defeat of my enemies, the world cannot be whole if hatred is in my heart because we all have a personal responsibility to treat everyone like God's glorious creations. So I will keep working on this one, although I'm very flawed. Oh, well. That's why they have religion in the first place - because we humans can be really messed up.
Nailing Down A Call Time - The Call Sheet
kim | 24 August, 2005 20:42
6:00 pm, last night - Phone call: can you work?
6:05 pm, last night - Yes, thank you. May I check my babysitting situation first and get back to you tomorrow morning?
9:30 am, today - Babysitter says yes, Mike gets time off of work.
10:00 am, today - Call to confirm yes.
10:30 am, today - given call time of 11:30. Yay.
11:00 am, today - ask babysitter to change hours to two hours later, she agrees.
6:30 pm, today - get call sheet and call time is, er, now 8:00 am.
8:30 pm, today - talk to coordinator, no, it's 9:30.
8:31 pm, today - call babysitter, ask her to come in early, can she, please? Sorry to be so flaky.
8:31 and a half pm, today - call waiting: wait, no, we don't need you in till 12:00.
8:31 and fifty seconds, today - Sorry, Babysitter, you can come at the previously discussed time. Thank you for being so flexible.
And that's showbiz, folks!
My Bouquet of Flowers
kim | 23 August, 2005 10:23
Boy, was I cynical and bitchy last night in my posts! It's because I'm getting really far on my novel, and my novel is cynical and bitchy. I hope you will like it.
As an apology, I want to offer this information like a dozen apolgy roses:
I have this friend who is young, in her mid-30's - and for her living she uses the full capacity of her empathy and it shows in her face. Just imagine if you had a job where you could experience the full range of human emotions every thirty minutes! That sounds like heaven to me, but it can be hard on the facial lines. My friend, she has some, nothing too awful, just normal. Botox, thank the Lord in Heaven, is out of the question. She's had the glycolic facial, where they weren't particularly nice to her. She asked me what cream to use. Here are my recommendations:
1. She drinks plenty of water
2. She has plenty of fruits and vegetables in her diet
3. She exercizes well
That's the first hurdle
4. Creme de la Mer - sorry, kids. It's what works. It simply does. I love it. It does have mineral oil in it, so if you don't like that, you can use Creme de Elegance Reperataur by Kiehl's, which has beeswax which is more easily assimilated into the skin and is not as toxic and fake.
5. The lymphatic drainage facial at SoHo Sanctuary, which I've had and is amazing.
6. Higher tech is the one at Tracie Martyn, but why not try natural first?
7. SPF 25 by Kiehl's which comes in oil-full and oil-free after your Creme has soaked in.
8. Add a little Olive Oil to your diet and fish or anything with Omega 3's (but make sure it's pure fish oil and not from polluted water and also make sure that the dose is proper for you and that the brand is reputable - you're on your own with that!)
10. Try Natalia Rose's Raw Food Detox Diet. Now's a good time, because it's still hot.
If anyone tells you what position to sleep in, please smack them, or send them to me and I will smack them for you. Tell them you are not a Geisha, you are just trying to get a little healthier.
I hope this means we can still be friends.
Bah Humbug. For Fall.
kim | 22 August, 2005 21:32
This is going to sound harsh, but I'm telling you because I want to help. All those magazines you are buying for fall, all that desire pent up in you for this depreciating trinket or that disposable garment - especially if you have seen it on a celebrity - is the brainchild of some corporation that wants you to spend money on their product so they can get more rich. That's why I designed this website, so I could save you a little money and so you would not have to be unwittingly brainwashed into buying crap you don't need. Because you will never look like Sarah Jessica Parker unless you work out at least 2 hours a day. And do you have time for that?
Conversely, I'm so bummed out that the fall rags did not float my boat. It's not that everything in there is not completely beautiful, it's just that it all seems so irrelevant. I mean, who's going to wear their eyeshadow like that? We have to have a guidepost, but still. If you did wear light blue or white eyeshadow walking down the street on a crisp fall morning I would feel very, very bad for you. Even that bronzey look. Irrelevant. Just stick with your darkish brown eyeshadow and your neutral lipstick or add in some red for the fall. What do they expect? You're not Tom Pecheux. Really.
That is all.
Tonight's Wedding at the Ritz Carlton
kim | 19 August, 2005 19:55
"It's not really my wedding," the bride said on the phone during our first conversation a few weeks ago, "we already got married. It's my mother's wedding."
She got my name from a friend who was a back-up singer for a really hot Latin act a few years ago, perhaps even before I was married. You can't imagine how long my number sits in someone's book before they use it. Tonight, her wedding for her mother's benefit was at one of the Ritz Carltons in town. There are two. I hate these corporate, cheesy monstrosities - I'm such a hippie - until I get in one and I want to eat finger sandwiches in my white robe while I get a pedicure. But no such luck for me, I'm working.
Up I go to the room where she's getting her hair done. She's a beautiful woman, so there's really nothing to ruin in her makeup, it will be a breeze. The hairstylist is blonde with a grounded but bubbly personality. Blonde hair, blue eyeshadow, gloppy lashes. It totally works for the hairdresser thing, but it's pretty theatrical. She's so nice, I go in and chat for a while after I set up and also to get water for my liquid liner. Laura Mercier, if you want to know. Black Ebony, good stuff. If I show you the view of this place: maybe it was of the Statue of Liberty with God's light breaking through the clouds and shining on her in the middle of the Ocean like a cosmic spotlight or maybe it was the lush, green perfect order of Central Park with the leaves just slightly turning. Some things I'll never reveal, and since I've seen both, why not let you enjoy both? Then the hair was done. I've seriously never seen such a beautiful hairdo. This hairdresser was nice, cool and did amazing work. However, a slightly political discussion ensued about the law, since the bride was a lawyer and I had a legal question, and she answered and the hair dresser said, "wow! I don't even understand what you guys just said!" Which, if it were me, I would keep that to myself. But we were here for beauty, not to take the SAT.
So we were trying to pick out earrings for this bride and she brought in a mini-jewellry box and opened it up and in it were about a collective $1 Million in diamond jewellry. So we picked over it - yes, no, no, no, no, yes. The bride had to go into the other room for a minute. And I said that she shouldn't wear the necklace and the earrings because the necklace would be too much. It would distract from the beauty of the look. It was not rocket science. I am not Harry Winston. Perhaps it might not be instinctual to some, but the question was raised and I answered it in a logical and authoritative manner.. The hairdresser agreed.
When the bride came back the hairdresser said to her. "You know what I think? You shouldn't wear the necklace and the earrings because the necklace will be distracting from the earrings. I really think you should just wear the earrings." I looked at her neutrally and she looked at me wide-eyed, like she had not only? just stolen my line but also tried to wrest the authority in the room. I see this every day in the playground.
Later I asked her if she did weddings mostly and she said she worked in a salon and that she did weddings, destination weddings. What did I do? Oh, freelance, television. I was going to say that I wrote a book you dumb-ass bully, but I didn't because she wasn't worth it. And I asked if she ever used makeup and she said she did makeup herself. Because some of her brides didn't know about makeup or they could do their own, but she was all about hair. I think because it was also growing inversely inside of her skull as well as without. So, you see, by walking in the room, by her account, I had stepped on her profit. Even though the bride asked me first.
You know what else I've found in the playground? When I was little I was forced to be friends with a little girl who used to kick me, punch me, boss me around,? threaten me and hijack my birthday parties. I was so happy when, in seventh grade, I became really popular and she was run out of town by the coolest boys. I thought I was the only one, but the world is filled with those kinds of bitches. People who look nice, act nice, do good work, but are really only want to control their quadrant of the sandbox. So pathetic.
The bride, however, was a dream. Beautiful, smart, down-to-earth and easy to do. She was just not convinced that I wasn't putting purple on her. It's amazing how many people see purple in shimmering taupe eyeshadow. I just don't understand. Someone please explain that one to me. But it didn't last too long and I easily regained her confidence after showing her in the light, what purple eyeshadow looked like. When she got into her dress she looked unbelievable. She took my breath away and I got all happy.
I love doing weddings. They renew my optimism, and if I'm in the right room at the right time at the right hotel, I might be able to snag a little finger sandwich of tuna on white bread.
kim | 17 August, 2005 11:44
My some time morning gig has me often working along side another makeup artist whom I adore. We're not friends, per se, we're professionally friendly and trustworthy, I think, for each other. I suggested her for a job once that ended up being great for her and now she suggests me. Sometimes, you end up with good connections in this business. The thing about this woman is that she's styled to the hilt: her nails are always fake and done, her hair is always blown out, different color contact lenses, perfect clothes and really high heels (really early in the morning - I just can't!) and the teeth: bleached. I have mentioned before that I once had my teeth bleached and although they looked good, since I have cracks in my teeth I was in excruciating but random pain for 24 hours. Like the girl from Audition was doing phantom root canals on me with long, hot needles. I swore I'd never drink coffee again and then there was a child born who required me not sleeping for more than two hours for six months. And then after that I got? to sleep at four hour stretches. I take mine decaffeinated with soy and sucanat, but I have a cup every morning. Mmm, I would say it's more like a bowl, but I need it. And while my teeth are getting darker, they're not horrible. Still passable in the outside world.
But then I go to work and there are the on air people with the white teeth, the makeup artists with the white teeth and the hairstylists with the white teeth. I go in, do my makeup, get set up and keep flashing my teeth at myself. Fine, I say. To myself. Then I work with them and I secretly flash myself in the mirror in contrast to them. It's not a secret - I look like an insecure retard which is not a great thing for a makeup artist to look like, and then I hate myself for the rest of the day.
I have used those Go Smile things and they are really good. If I didn't have so many restorations I would do Crest White Strips, but I gave mine away to a friend who couldn't afford the $600 whitening bill at the dentist. Not covered by insurance.
Like most everything in my life, whitening would be more complicated than the average foam-'em-up-and-ratchet-open-their-mouth-and-stick-a-laser-light-in-there customer should I decide to do that conformist bullshit thing that looks so amazing again.
Perfectly Beautiful (please say in a robot voice)
kim | 14 August, 2005 23:55
Today I worked with one of my all-time favorite private clients. Let me say that this is one of my favorite activities: taking women shopping for makeup. It's so much fun. But rest-assured, I like to keep it light. I'm frugal, I won't break your bank. Much to my great embarrassment, the store we went to did not have what we were looking for (Amazing Concealer is sold only at Sephora Times Square and Sephora SoHo, but they should be selling it in the street in kiosks or in Starbucks because it's so amazing. And Clarins is not in every Sephora, either, if you can believe it.) so we went to my old place of employ. I will not name it here, but I swore that I would never take a client there again because of how hard they fricked me over in every way: from the beginning of my job, to my book, to my maternity. They are so glad I didn't sue them. Tru' dat. But it really is a fabulous place to shop - if you have me in tow to run interference against the beauty robots.
The sales staff is no longer human. They check their brains at the employee door so they can install a profit-motivating chip in there and it renders them all glassy-eyed and completely out of synch with the every day rythym of human beings and their boundaries. You have to return it at the end of your tenure along with your double-discount credit card (which they revoked from me the nano-second I stepped out of the store). They seem to be looking at you, but really they are a million miles away. Everyone is polite and well dressed and their breath is great and they talk like robots rattling off lists of scientific-sounding ingredients and their benefits. Oh, the benefits! They never stop, even when you say no, they continue to offer you products and their benefits and how it will benefit you and isn't my lip gloss glossy? I am hypnotizing you with it! You see, I'm immune. You are not. That's why they have the highest grossing makeup floor in the United States. They wear you down, because they are skilled beauty profesionals. Like Ninjas, but more like robots.
On a product related note: I am scared of Hylexine. Can you tell me why I would put something near my eye that changed the color of my skin? Please, if you do, tell me why you like it. I just as soon use Amazing Concealer. And Clarins Beauty Flash Balm. You know?
Anyway, I had a great time with my client, she's the cat's meow. I can't wait to work with all my women for the fall season! I do love private clients so.
kim | 07 August, 2005 11:01
I have written about this before: personal responsibility. I'm not talking about Somalia, here, I'm talking about us, here in the United States. We have food, shelter, water, laws that mostly protect us (except not women and children that well, with Florida taking the lead on the children part) and yet we complain like bastards. Whatever you feel is in your way right now, I would advise you to shut your trap about it (sorry, I am thinking about someone in particular with this harsh language, not you - for you I would say to re-focus and be gentle)? not hold it in your hand like a small piece of red velvet, rubbing it and rubbing it. I would suggest you try to see what your part in it is and try to move through that. Because it's often the inside world, not the outside world, that dictates our struggles.
Except for facial hair. For women, do you recommend lazer or electrolysis? I've heard pros and cons to both and I think lazer is too new and does something to the pigment above your lip or something. Anyone have any pifall stories on either? Not for me, it's for my friend.
Do The Blazer Thing
kim | 04 August, 2005 08:56
Do you remember the character Radio Raheem from Spike Lee's Do The Right Thing? I think he is now the uber-stylist for all the makeover shows - the stylist in the back room with the shiny mahogany walls and the dark lighting. He has uttered an edict that goes for all makeover shows, "put a blazer on the motherf****** and shit," and who is any one stylist to disobey? Please, someone, end the tyrany. Or, if makeover shows are secretly just an ad for middle-income shopping establishments, then let's have a catalogue at the end of the show. But let's not pretend this takes talent or art, okay? Because it's all the same fricking thing. It's boring and just because it has tailored lines does not mean it is flattering. In fact, the blazer, I think, is the culprit for many unfashionable outfits. Especially for girls that afe thick in the middle. Like someone you might know. Or me or something.
Beauty Faux Pas #3 - Less is more
kim | 03 August, 2005 22:25
In the heat, it is not neccessary to wear so much makeup. Particularly the lilac-ish brown frosted shades of lipstick coupled with much brown eyeshadow on the eye lid, white highlighter under the brow, the purple eyeliner on top and the teal eyeliner on the bottom. This is not a free-for-all, people. Just because you have it in your drawer/bag/purse does not mean that it all goes on your face at the same time. And if you must follow such a course of action, please do not smile at strangers on the street to disarm them from judgements against you. I cannot believe that you watched five seasons of Sex and the City and still walk out of your house like that!
The Best PR in the Business
kim | 02 August, 2005 23:28
Now the kid loves to put a name to everything - and he can. He's quite half-verbal as he can say half of almost every word that identifies an object in his world. Today he was looking at the overspilling magazine pile. He identified Queen Latifah's "pens" (lipsticks) fairly correctly, as they are sitting in a coffee mug, much like the one on my desk. Then he looked at an old issue of Oprah and pointed and said, "Pwa" and I said - who is this, sweetie? And he said, "Pwa" and me and the babysitter looked at each other and she said, "everybody knows who Oprah is." And we haven't really watched her since we stopped nursing which was about 16 months ago.
Later on, when my mother was here, I brought over the magazine, because he often has beginners luck, and I asked him who is was and he said, "Pwa."
My son knows who Oprah is. That's scary.
My Life Not on the D-List
kim | 01 August, 2005 11:34
Hundreds of years ago, before dinosaurs roamed the earth, there was a funny little show on a funny little cable network called the RuPaul Show. As a freelancer, I did Kathy Griffith's makeup, which looked great - it really did. So much so that she asked for my phone number. AND THEN SHE NEVER CALLED ME. Am I not even good enough to? rate with someone who doesn't think she's good enough? What does that make me? On the L-List? L is for Loser, people.
I thought she was pretty before, but I can understand how she didn't think so. She is a brilliant comedian and so I don't think it really matters what in the good Lord's name she looks like, but we all have our hang ups, believe me, obviously. Her public plastic surgeries have made her really pretty and her makeup always looks amazing. I loved the sparkly eye shadow she wore on the D-list. Her teeth are a little distracting; but who says I'm not jealous? I'm not loving her hair, but I understand it. I promised no more sentence construction like that but I can't help myself, sorry. But you should watch it when it's on. She's so fricking funny.