kim | 30 September, 2005 17:40
Yesterday I touched up Linda Blair's hair and makeup. There are few people nicer than she. It was one of my greatest professional experiences to date. An illusionist made a stupid comment about doing an act togther where he would spin his head around with her. After he was done, I whispered to? her, "Wow! I bet that's the first time you ever heard that!" She laughed. I feel like someone should protect her. She's tiny.
Fat and Old
kim | 30 September, 2005 11:15
My head is still reeling from the job I had last night. It was spectacular and I will explain it to you once I understand it, but it was a little complicated. Herewith I will share some written images with you from the evening's festivities:
Me, sitting next to the fire eater from the Coney Island Side show talking to her about her tatoos on her body and the complicated maze of ink on her face. After talking to her and seeing how sweet and gentle she was, realizing that her 20 foot albino Python hanging off of her body was not that different from the kid who likes to eat alot and get carried everywhere he goes.
Getting eyeballed by a celebrity reality star while he was standing next to his standard-issue beautiful girlfriend.
Me and the stilt man recognizing each other, but we couldn't figure out from where. He also told me I was beautiful. Oh, stilt man, I never knew you cared! It proves my life is a circus.
The end of the evening was a blow-out with a band I used to listen to in seventh grade, the year I was twelve. This band provided the soundtrack to my afternoons of cutting class, hanging out in various apartments throughout Styuvesant Town and Peter Cooper while we smoked with swollen lips from devouring the mouths of boys; ate M'nM's and washed them down with beer easily bought from bodegas. Every time I hear this one song, one boy from these days re-assmbles himself in front of me. His pillow lips are red and blowing smoke rings and then spouting racist remarks. He knocks back his head to clear his eyes temporarily of the swoop of his dark, shiny long fringe to glower at me. He was so mean to me and I pined for him more than anyone. I heard the song last night and I never thought, while I was sitting in a stairwell in 1979, that I would be working at an event with this band a lifetime later.
I could not look - the lead singer, who was the icon of beauty of her time - was fat and wearing the most unflattering dress that I have, perhaps, ever seen in my life. Like, not even good for a skinny gal. It did nothing to camoflauge her thick middle and did nothing to dignify her age. She looked like a bad Vegas act. Her hair was mousy brown, not what you'd expect from her. This woman is a great beauty and was not living in that reality. The band, what was left of them were gray, wearing gray-ish black (they looked like the production crew and technical support staff on the floor) and were now flanked by cuter, thinner, younger musicians.
I asked a companion, can I say something so mean? At her consent I said, "they old."
And they were, but so am I. But the music lives on, on a time continuum that will keep us all young, all twelve, all passionate about kissing and mean boys. We are all grown up now. I may have lost my youth and my beauty. But you have nothing to compare it to - I'm not doing it on stage. All I have to say about that is, it's lucky for you.
Let's Not Say Goodbye, We'll Say Adieu...
kim | 26 September, 2005 12:13
I am sending in my computer today to the computer monkies in the void. Let's hope for an expedient return of my little darling. I will try to blog in the meanwhile, but it might be tough. When I come back I want to tell you about some delicious products by www.cornerofficebeauty.com and my new column on www.universitychic.com!
Or you can look at that stuff now and we can discuss it in a few days...I'll miss you, Internet. Mwah!
kim | 26 September, 2005 08:54
Ohmygosh, I keep deleting - BY ACCIDENT! - comments by a cool chick named Mindy, because of the way my comments section is laid out and how my comments section is constantly slammed with comments. Like my website has a note taped on its ass that says "SPAM ME."
Crack of Elbow Shift
kim | 24 September, 2005 08:24
Okay, it's the crack of ass shift; but my mother told me not to curse on my website. Not like I ever listen to my mother - but she has a point. Here I sit, overly caffeinated and stuck in a virtual cage. It's a gilded cage, but a cage nonetheless.
Two things: Glitter fricking eye pencil by Hard Candy, people. An oldie, but a goodie. You can break it out again for this season and?bring it into the holidays. Only $14.50. Sephora.
Also? FABULASSSHHHHHH! Halle Berry's makeup, her speech, her alignment, her movement, her teeth, the little gravel at the end of the honey "Fabulashhhhh." I'm totally getting it. I will let you know. Although, please don't think that she's not wearing at least one pair of false lashes in the ad. Because it's at least one. It should be against the law to put false eyelashes on in mascara ads, but it's not. So don't be disappointed when you don't look like Halle. It's years and years of pilates and some perfect, golden shimmer that I would bet is a MAC pigment, shimmer or Ben Nye powder.
Beauty Do's and Don'ts
kim | 23 September, 2005 12:33
On the streets while I stroll the kid this way and that, I catalogue beauty do's and don'ts. Not that I look so great when I'm wheeling him around, but I'm talking about people here who are obviously trying.
We have a book here by Todd Parr Called Underwear Do's and Don'ts. In that vein, I will rattle off some beauty do's and don'ts. When you are saying "Do" to yourself, if you want to do it like I do, say it loudly and syntheticly slightly staccatto so it sounds almost like, "BOOP!" When you say "Don't" make it short, low and forbidding, as in, don't do that again.
Do: Take advantage of the flushed cheek look whether by jogging or Tarte's blushing stick thing in Babydoll and Flushed.
Don't: Wear peach rouge on under your eyes.
Do: Pick a funky color and wear it, usually on your eyes or lips, but apply it with intention.
Don't: Slop white-blue eyeshadow on your lids and let it bleed down the sides.
Do: Fill in your eyebrows with a slightly lighter-than-your-hair with an absence-of-red shade (Unless you are Susan Berkowitz, then you have to!)
Don't: Create an entirely new shape of your eyebrows with wings at the end in magic-marker black. Please. I beg you to stop.
Do: Fill in your lips with a natural color lip-liner such as MAC's Spice if you're light and MAC's Cork if you're medium and MAC's Chestnut if you're dark
Don't: Line your lips very darkly on the outside and fill them in with really light stuff in the middle (come on, people! Do we still have to go through this?)
Do: Wear concealer
Don't: Not wear concealer or use a concealer that is too light.
Do: Throw your mascara away after 3 months.
Don't: Keep wearing the same look as high school.
Do: Play nice in the playground.
Don't: Talk behind people's backs.
Paris Hilton Behind The Scenes
kim | 21 September, 2005 14:04
I just got this junk email. Paris Hilton Behind the Scenes? Does that mean her cervix?
See? I'm hostile.
Don't You Look at Me You Fricking Frick
kim | 21 September, 2005 13:58
I'm a little out of practice with the production co-ordinator relationship. You have to be friendly. But not too friendly. You have to be cool. But not too cool. I'm always getting it wrong. I'm always slightly too friendly and I always say the wrong thing in the spirit of being friendly.
?I may be hostile, but I'm not cool and bitchy. I have to work on this whole thing.
It does make me want to bury my head in the sand, though. But the sand would get all over my lip gloss. There's nowhere to hide.
kim | 21 September, 2005 13:57
Or so a reliable source says. It's true. I'm hostile. I try to use it for comic effect, but it's just a little residue from the past. I will try harder. Sorry if I hurt your feelings.
kim | 19 September, 2005 22:59
I feel so badly for Kate Moss. Nobody should be publicly humiliated that way. Truly. I hope she keeps her contracts and I hope she gets help for the sake of her two year old daughter.
But, if we take this as some sort of a lesson...Kate Moss is one of the most beautiful models out there who is one of the skinniest. Get it? It's really unrealistic, people, the whole thing. So stop feeling bad about yourselves. And how she came back from rehab all plump like that? It's all a fantasy. And how that tape showed that she snorted 5 lines of cocaine in 40 minutes? Oh, wait. That's nothing. I thought they said she was a drug addict, not a recreational user.
Dearest, Darlingest Computer Monkies in the Void
kim | 19 September, 2005 22:38
This is my hope, dear Computer Monkies in the Void: that you take care of my computer which dies a thousand deaths each week randomly and you put it back altogether and that you don't try to look up my internet history and that you can't find a bit of my novel or any of my passwords and that you will return my big, lunky gem to me unmolested but all better.
Thank you Computer Monkies in the Void. You'll never know how much that means to me.
SHOCKER!!! ANNA WINTOUR HATES FAT PEOPLE!!!
kim | 19 September, 2005 13:05
And now fat people are mad. Was this a surprise? Do they avoid Vogue, or do they not see it. There is no "Women's" Vogue. There are no fat people in Vogue. The fatness of Andre Leon Talley should be seen as a sign of the ultimate prestige - that he was so powerful AND fat in the fashion industry. What fat people should really be mad about and putting their energies towards is that women and children are dying in Iraq, that innocent women are being raped on the way to get water in Darfur and that the polar ice cap has melted beyond repair and we are now in an irrevocable global warming situation. There's something to soothe yourself with cookies over. And pass them over here, while you're at it.
kim | 17 September, 2005 23:55
A beautifully written book does not a fulfilling movie make. Remember this and just go see the action flick or the chick flick and read the book again if you loved it so much. And then remind me to do the same. Okay?
Spring '06 Beauty - The Corpse
kim | 17 September, 2005 02:43
I read an article last night that said the polar ice caps are melted beyond control. Our planet is going down, baby, and we did it to her.
Was that the inspiration for the makeup for the Spring '06 shows? Or was it the industry's way of taking a firm look at its own anorexia? Who can really know unless you were backstage. I, happily, was not.
The girls looked dead:
White eyeshadow with no liner and barely there or clumpy, separated eyelashes. The occasional whimsical yellow and green ditty tapped out with the heaviest, most trailer-ish hand.
Sometimes, barely any concealer. Everyone needs concealer. Especially people who don't eat that much. They're tired!
Blush was bronzer carving out the sides of the face, making it more gaunt and any blush was really lighting highlighter on the face blotting it out more and making the girls look more sickly.
The lips: a rare, artificial candy pink devoid of any fun - purely artificial. The occasional berry stain or gloss improbably lacking any lusciousness. But mostly neutral white-pink lips. Whether highly glossed or completely matte, these lips were decidedly not letting any hint of nourishment past them and indicated a long starvation. Matched against teeth that were not bleached beyond a Simpson/Spears neon white shade, one better continue keeping that pretty little mouth closed.
In a word? Corpse-like. Yich.
The makeup artists who created these looks are my heros, but this was seriously heinous. I'm going to have to do alot of convincing to my private clients next spring that they do not need to look dead. Hopefully the companies will come up with some things that are more wearable. Because you know that some people are going to walk around with that white lipstick and look like crap. Here's hoping they give me a call before they do.
kim | 15 September, 2005 08:53
I will go over the shows, but not right now. The reason why they do the shows now is so that retailers can put in their orders and designers can fulfill those orders. Not because you have to worry about it today. They also do it for the the theater factor, and I think that Doubt will be much more interesting than a fashion show as far as drama is concerned. From what I have seen, however, it will be a good idea to have your teeth whitened and your skin acid-peeled because the makeup is so light and minimal that even the flaws of the models were highlighted.
MAC Fall 2005
kim | 14 September, 2005 13:54
It's not a secret that I'm not really into the picture for the MAC's fall color story. BUT today I went shopping with one of my favorite private clients and I have to say that the Naturally Eccentric collection is one of MAC's most wearable, ever.The colors are astonishingly beautiful and natural. We bought her almost the whole collection. I even bought something for myself - Damzel Lip glass. Also, their new eyeshadow primers are a unique cream to powder and com in amazing shades. How does MAC do it? They top themselves every, single color story. I could just bathe in them.
You Could Be In Pictures!
kim | 12 September, 2005 22:05
I just got wind that Iman is launching her new book "The Beauty of Color" and in honor of that wants to get a big, beautiful picture of women of all colors. So they're casting gorgeous creatures (read: regular gals such as yourselves) at
2319 Frederick Douglass Boulevard
8th Avenue between 24th and 25th Streets
Friday, September 16: 6:00 - 8:00
Saturday, September 17 1:00 - 4:00
Sunday, September 18th 1:00 - 4:00
George Chinsee is going to take the picture.
And just as an aside, I worked the opening of the I-Iman line at Sephora when it was in Rockefeller Center (Golly, I miss that one, it was the second and the best one that ever was - I did most of my research on my book there, but two floors of Makeup, Skincare, Fragrance, Haircare, tools and accessories is not sustainable on the most expensive avenue in the world. I guess.) She is the most stunning woman you have ever seen. Almost unreal. If I was David Bowie, I'd definitely marry her, too. I still wear the t-shirt to the gym when I work out. I mean, the last two times this year I worked out.
Anyway, good luck and I hope you get in. I wonder if Jay Manuel is still doing her makeup or if he got some new gig. He was so nice that day. That's when he still had dark hair. Didn't he go blondie for ANTM? Hey! If you get in the picture, I wonder who will do your makeup? That's an exciting thought, isn't it?
Art + Commerce = Allure Backstage Special
kim | 12 September, 2005 10:14
I could not believe my good fortune when, on Saturday, I happened upon a most amazing television special hosted by Allure Magazine on the top 8 (?) trends for fall. The greatest part about it was watching all the famous makeup artists at work: Pat McGrath, Dick Page, James Kailardos, Tom Pecheux - I love them, I lick them, I love them! The show was shot for the current fall season, so, a million years ago. Oh, it was so great to watch those artists work. Some of the suggestions were ridiculous to apply to regular women, i.e., they said that nude lips were their favorite over at Allure (I thought of the two moms I had done that morning as well as the bride I was about to do and I thought how awful they would look with bare, glossy lips) and Tom Pecheux - the brilliant genius! - suggested putting foundation on lips, then powdering them, then applying gloss (I spied the MAC Gloss, but not the glass, the Gloss) over top. Can you imagine if you are just a working mom or a real estate agent or a teacher and you walk to work and there you are with your big mascara and eyeliner and no lips? And you have a nose that's not like a button? And no bronzer anywhere to mute the larger parts of your face like your nose, for instance, which might not be the size of a small grape? What I'm talking about here, people, is that techniques from the runway do not always translate to the reality of your life. Fine, everyone - I hope, knows that.
But then, the last 10 minutes of the special were devoted to Collier Strong's interpretation of the 8 (?) trends. He's L'Oreal's makeup artist and every product was from L'Oreal and it was right after the L'Oreal ad. Now, he's just an artist who landed a plum gig and everything he was promoting was probably something that he would have otherwise promoted (he also showed the little trick of using eyeliner as eyeshadow, which works brilliantly) but, still. How can you know?
This is my essential internal struggle - how to help you, to be honest, to get a program that works for you individually without being beholden to any big, corporate sales pitch. Because I'm buying just a little of what they're selling. But not $8 Billion dollars worth.
kim | 10 September, 2005 05:17
Yesterday I was shopping for shoes with the kid and I saw a familiar person out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes celebrities are familiar like someone you slept with once in college under dubious states of coherence: where do I know him from, you ask yourself. But the voice was unmistakable as was the shine on the head - it was Anthony Edwards of ET, Top Gun and ER fame. But what he's really famous for in my heart is that he's married to Janinne Lobell, the creator of Stila cosmetics. What was I going to say to him, "Oh, gosh, I love your wife - how is she such a genious? Can I meet her? Can I have her autograph? Can I assist her one day?" No, loser. You may not meet Janinne Lobell, at least not that way. But I take serendipitous sightings like that as a blessing. So, when we were at a crossroads - he wanted to go back to his seat and I wanted to leave the store, I let him go first and purposely didn't look at him. I don't know him, and he was just shopping for shoes with his kids. Why would he care if I called him goose? Plus, the last time I said hi to a guy whose makeup I did a bunch of times and with whom I was stuck in a crisis work situation, he got all weird on me because he didn't remember me. "Hi, XYZ," I said in Balducci's. And he was all like, "hey, how's it going, stalker?" He acted like I was a fan when I was actually a co-worker. Like I was acting how I would act if I met Janinne. Which I so wasn't.
I'm Famous, Part Deux
kim | 08 September, 2005 12:32
It is a blessing to be included in any New York Times Style article, even if it is on Thursday, even if you are the end quote. At least the wonderful Ruth LaFerla underscored my integrity, exposed my girliness and mentioned my web address. Ruth, I thank you. They sent a photographer on Staurday to snap my picture, but it didn't make it in. Oh, well. I was saving it to tell you because I didn't want to jinx it. Anyhoozle, I'm very grateful.
Fall In The Air?
kim | 06 September, 2005 09:12
On the first sunny, warm day after a long cold winter, my high school? friend Chris McKinney used to take in a deep breath, exhale and say, "spring in the air (beat, beat, beat) fall on? your ass." We would fall over in peals of laughter. I still do even though our friendship is long gone. I wish there was a small saying like that for fall, if there is - especially one that applies to makeup (no pun intended) - please let me know.
If you were looking at the ads for the cosmetics companies it might be something like - "fall on your facw (beat, beat, beat) cover it up with too much makeup." Some manufacturers might have you believing that you need to wear a super-duper amount of makeup this fall. Heavy eyes and heavy lips. It's not something that I would suggest. And it's not something that I find hysterically funny, either. Unless one of the areas is sort of sheer. Then you might get a giggle out of me. Best looks this fall? Lancome and Whatever Uma has on her face for the Louis Vuitton ads.
A Souvenir For You
kim | 01 September, 2005 13:27
Because we don't blog about work or else we get fired - I will tell you about a job I had that, on the time continuum, is closer to now than not, but where exactly you'll never know. Unless, of course, you were working with me. In that case, Hello! Wasn't that an easy two days? With so many double stuff Oreos? I, myself, now am personally a double stuff after eating all of those.
I do light hair but some clients expect you to do makeup cut and style hair but usually you can get by with a blowdryer, a bunch of velcro rollers, a few curling irons and product. For jobs and for me I love the John Frieda Blonde hairspray - and, if you must know, I use the Brunette line for shampoo and conditioner personally - just as an example. I don't go in for all that Phyto stuff. It's gorgeous, but I'm a makeup artist - I'd rather spend my money on foundation and moisturizer. And brushes. And makeup. Because I'm a makeup artist. And in fairness, I have to say that I am using some stuff that Claudia Pedala lent me for a job and I have not yet returned because I haven't been responsible, but that's going back to her studio this weekend. Sorry, Claudia.
So I get to this job and they sit an older woman in front of me and I'm supposed to give her something that looks like she's just been in the beauty parlor. Or, I should say, she should look like a regular older woman. Their are some women, like my mother, who have such thick, gray hair that it laughs at the brush in your hand as you approach her head. And then there's the type of gray hair that's simply limp, which was the case of this head of hair that they had sat in front of me. The actress had, earlier in the week, gotten her hair done, so it was partially teased and set. I had only about 20-30 minutes and a curling iron and a hairdryer. Makeup was easy - zup-zup - but the hair! I went round each sort of flattened curl, the front of which was curled under- so, like, she had this white roll going across her forehead. Uch, I can't even describe it. Trying to be cool, I asked the director if that's what she was after. She said yeah, sure, it was fine. When I was done, after I did the other talent, the actors went on the set. A white set. White hair against a white background. She was a pretty woman, but it looked weird, her head floating around like that. So I tightened up the curls so you could see her hair more articulated against the background. Like a poodle perm. But then I had to spray each curl. And her hair had been previously teased so I was curling teased sections of hair and then spraying them. I kept telling the actress that I would gladly take it out when we were done. To please not tell her hairdresser (who I think won an Emmy or something) to not hate me and certainly not to divulge my name. Also, I told the lighting guys they needed a flag. They didn't hear me but put up a flag anyway. Showbiz, people, it's in my bones. I have a knowing, as my mother would say.
Second day: the dreaded head returns. I told the talent she should sleep on a wood block like a Geisha, sort of joking. But of course it was worse the next day. There was one little piece by her ear that kept wilting. I kept the curling iron on set for touch-ups, and despite the sign that warned: CAUTION: HOT CURLING IRON, because it was too close to the double stuff Oreos, a bit of plastic got on the iron as one of the higher-ups was comforting herself with food. I say that as a person who ate a whole package of Vanilla Sugar Wafers in one day. So it got on the iron. But I did not understand until I touched up her hair and the plastic got stuck in her hair and the hot curling iron stuck to her hair and I had to pull hard the iron from the curl of hair. I thought I was going to yank out, on set, in front of the whole crew and the production staff, one perfect white curl that I could perhaps put a whole through and stick on a necklace. You know, like a souvenir.