Happiness is Movement - No Cosmetics Here
kim | 09 August, 2006 07:59
I want to pass this along to you. It's not makeup related, I'm sorry for that. It's about the human condition: seek out answers to your deepest questions. Do not stop seeking until you have found your answers. When you hit a road block, a brick wall or any obstacle, breathe in and out. Clear your mind and perhaps ask for some help. Maybe the help will help or maybe relaxing will help. Keep gently, and with determination, pressing forward. You may get the answer or you may not. Keep trying. Have hope.
I am very happy today.
I'm Nothing Without My Writing
kim | 01 December, 2005 08:03
When I had the kid I was overjoyed. I could not believe that something so perfect and tiny came from me. Ultimately it's Divine Wisdom that put the kid together, but I didn't do nothing for 10 months (they lie, it's really 10 months). Despite the nursing problems and the childcare problems and the isolation problems, I was so in love with the kid that the desire to work really went by the wayside. At the same time, I missed that part. I just didn't have the energy to write or to think about building a business. I was pumping oxytocin and had had no sleep. I don't know how it is for all mothers, but I wished there were three of me: the mother, the woman who formerly had time to watch alot of reruns and get pedicures, and the writer. Writing takes alot of energy for me as does acting. They are solitary, selfish careers in which the writer (or especially) actor spends not only hours a day on her craft, but more hours obsessing about herself. Even though I could clock in at one plus a quarter of my former self on the scale, I was not able to successfully split up myself, squeeze extra hours out of the day or able to leave my child for a minute more than I did, which was not very much.
So when I get a little chunk done, as I just did, I feel like my old self again and it feels good.
kim | 17 September, 2005 23:55
A beautifully written book does not a fulfilling movie make. Remember this and just go see the action flick or the chick flick and read the book again if you loved it so much. And then remind me to do the same. Okay?
Would You Miss Me If I Was Gone?
kim | 23 May, 2005 21:05
These days, I'm obsessed with death. Perhaps I'm finally feeling my own mortality - we only have one life, baby, let's live it - or perhaps I just need medication. I've been doing so much for so long and it's not really getting me anywhere money-wise. I love my website but I need shorter-cuts to updating it and I can't always get Ray on the phone. I need more private clients, that's one of the purposes of this site. I just had the greatest client Saturday, so much fun. I love personal shopping with women. They feel relieved, empowered, helped and excited. For them: no wasting money, no folding under intimidation tactics, no confusion when they get home from a big mass of products that don't make sense. For me: I get to shop, shop, shop but be frugal and help women. I can't think of many things better for a job. But I take care of a child and I really need to streamline. I haven't updated Laws of Nature in, like, a week because I've been taking a little break. Why have two websites if they're not going to pay off? I can't tell you why. I need to focus on my novel. I have been exhausted between the two sites, private clients, shoots with Noah, shoots with Shop, Etc., random shoots for books. It's so busy but not as lucrative to make it worth it, I think.
Plus, with all this working, I've felt guilty about not spending the whole day with the kid, so I just play with him in the afternoon. I have not been cultivating relationships with other moms and it feels lonely. I just started again today and I ended up taking a wonderful class with a mommy friend. I didn't know it was going to be water-based, so we just stripped our kids down to their diapers and they splashed around for 45 minutes, gulping what I am sure was filthy, bacteria-laden water but having a ball doing it. Afterwards we played in the ante room filled with fun toys and then went to the park to see some doggies, stopped by our favorite stores to say hello to their owners and their dogs on the way home and then made some dinner. I had so much fun with my friend and her kid was so cute that for the first time, instead of feeling depleted with the kid, I felt energized. He needs structure and so do I. And I need a little more community.
Is this website doing anything for anyone? Am I contributing to the greater good? Am I getting any clients? I don't know the answers to any of those questions, but shouldn't I feel energized by things in my life if they are creative? This blog has helped me write regularly for the first time in my life and I do feel like I can eat the world for breakfast (sorry about the cliche) after I'm done. If I have nothing else, when I'm completely down, I have to pretend that I'm not and say something helpful or poignant for you. That helps. I?am not going to?give it up; but I had such a good day today. Could I ever give up my writing? I don't think so. I have too much in me bursting to get out. But if I went away, would you miss me when I was gone?
You ARE Pretty
kim | 28 February, 2005 20:18
I have just turned a corner. After asking different people for help with a particular issue, I finally realized that I had all the resources I needed to figure out how to get what I want. But it's important to have a community, friends and loved ones off which to bounce?ideas, frustrations and successes. Here are a few things I realized that I will share with you:
1. Nobody has your vision, so be careful who?you share your tender ideas with and don't be dissuaded if someone tries to dissuade you. They don't know what they're talking about and they can't see inside your head.
2.?Other people come?with their own garbage that they sometimes like to share?with you. You might unknowingly be dining on crumpled up newspapers and fish bones when you think it's a feast.
3.?If you want to be a baker, ask a baker how she got there, not?a barber.?It's?great to get inspiration from people in all walks of life, but either study people who you admire or ask for their help. Don't be discouraged if they say no, just?keep seeking your answers.
4. Never give up. Why??It's just as hard to?do work you don't like as work you do like. Plus, you can sleep when you're dead.
My Inner 400 lb. Man
kim | 08 November, 2004 19:44
It's not my intention to detail my incredible to do list, only to say that I was out with the kid today, trying to tick off tasks, looking in vain for an office supply store in my neighborhood which is nearly impossible to find. Word to Staples or Office Max: it's called a home office. They exist in great number in residential neighborhoods, so get your?tush over here.
There was a little dinky office supply store that I thought might have a few things, but not all of them and so I walked toward the entrance. Just as I got to the door, a 400 lb. man came from around the counter and lugged his heavy, heavy, heavy?body across the small store. Like he was carrying a dead person on him. I must have been visibly shaken because he beckoned to me to come in, to which I replied with a warm smile and a quick dash out of his line of sight.
I felt terrible because I wanted to say, it's not because you are 400 lbs! Which would have been a lie! I didn't want it to be and I wanted to accept that man for who he is: God's glorious creation. But I think I was disarmed because self destruction is hard to look at . Plus, it was hard for him to walk. Shall I send him a pamphlet from Overeathers Anonymous? This man will surely die soon if he does not get help.
We all have a 400 lb. man inside of us, sneaking doughnuts, not exercizing, missing paying our bills, having the wrong relationships, whatever. I just hope I can behave in a more compassionate way toward myself and others than I did today. Guy, I'm sorry for contributing to your sense of alienation in the world. That probably sends you to Krispy Kreme on a daily basis.
I so feel your pain.
kim | 25 October, 2004 19:20
Chocolate is not the best way to deal with a bad day. Chocolate frosted doughnuts with sprinkles, chocolate chip cookies from Le Pain Quotidein the size of? your face, Sun Drops, decaf soy cappucinos, Ben and Jerry's Di's Candy Drawer, double chocolate macadamia nut cookies, seven layer cake, none of it can change the circumstances of one's life.?Can someone please remind me next time?
The Greater of the Two
kim | 08 October, 2004 23:22
Isn?t it great that President Bush lost his temper tonight? And also that he said that he would not appoint anyone to the Supreme Court that would make decisions based on personal opinion and but on the law? I will direct your attention to the documentary Unprecedented: The 2000 Presidential Election directed by Richard Ray Perez and Joan Sekler.